


Park Bench

by runsandhides



Series: Park Bench 'Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Anxiety, F/F, F/M, M/M, Record shop, writer!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:04:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3259250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runsandhides/pseuds/runsandhides
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Milton is a bit of a shut-in with a bad case of writer's block. He decides to go for a walk and ends up at a record shop owned by the most gorgeous man he's ever seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel stared at the blank screen in front of him. He used to love writing. Now the words wouldn’t come. It’s not like he didn’t want to write anymore, he just couldn’t for some reason. Like someone had flipped a switch inside him and said “No more, you’re done.” It was very frustrating. He sat for another moment, just staring at the screen and decided he was too hot. He got up and pulled the chain to start up his ceiling fan and pulled off his old, grey hoodie. He rolled his neck, stretched his back, and sat back down at his desk. He stared at that damn blinking cursor for about another fifteen seconds before he slammed his laptop closed. He decided to go for a walk.

Without putting a jacket on he stepped out into the chilly, autumn air. It was just past eight but it was already decently dark out. He wasn’t sure where he was going, he just started walking. He’d lived in this city for almost two years and had never ventured out. This was going to be interesting.

He knew his way downtown; it’s not like he _never_ left the house. He had to go shopping sometimes, and occasionally he would walk around the little shops if he needed a break from being in the house all the time. But he didn’t often go out for the sake of going out. He’d much rather have someone to spend his time with. It was a catch 22. He couldn’t go out and meet people because he didn’t have anyone to go out with.

It took him about an hour to get there. His ears were numb and his hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans. He decided to walk to the late night record store since all the times he did wander around downtown it was closed. The bell jingled as he opened the door but he paid it no mind. He walked up and down the aisles, glancing at the tops of the old record sleeves and taking in that vintage aroma. Old smells like this always seemed to relax him. Just like old books, it gave him a sense of comfort. He breathed in deep, closing his eyes and running his fingers across the neatly binned albums.

 

***

 

Dean didn’t know what to do. He had only dated girls before. Okay, so maybe “dated” wasn’t the right term. He had only been with girls before. Except that one time. But now that “that one time” has happened he’s not really feeling the whole ‘hooking up with girls’ thing. Not that he isn’t interested in girls anymore, he definitely still finds them attractive, but now that he knows that guys are an option, well, he wants to get some experience in that area. He just doesn’t know how to go about it.

Dean was thinking about all this (for the millionth time) while he was setting up the shop on Thursday. Thursdays brought in a lot of his friends and was always a good night for him. They would come and listen to music and chat and basically just hang out. Since the shop was open evenings he really didn’t have many chances to go out to the bars with them. This usually made up for that.

He unlocked the doors and took up residence in one of the arm chairs in the front of the store with a book, James Novak’s most recent, and got comfortable. It would be about an hour until any of his friends showed up and the store was usually pretty slow until then.

Half an hour later the bell over the door jingled. Dean glanced up from his book to see what was probably the most gorgeous man he had ever seen in person. He was almost as tall as Dean with a mess of dark hair and a hint of stubble on his fantastically sculpted face. The guy didn’t see him and began wandering down the aisles, running his fingers over the tops of the records.

 _What is he even doing?_ He smiled to himself and shook his head while watching his customer. He sat his book down and walked around to greet him. When he stepped in front of him he noticed the other man had his eyes closed, a small look of concentration on his face.

“I don’t think you’re gonna find what you’re looking for like that,” he said with amusement.

Castiel opened his eyes. Not two feet in front of him was a gorgeous man with sparkling green eyes and a devilish grin. He raised one eyebrow and cocked his head slightly. “Are you looking for anything in particular, or did you just come here to fondle my stock?” He winked.

“I, uh,” started Castiel. “I was just going for a walk and ended up here. I didn’t mean to…” he trailed off.

“Don’t sweat it.” Dean smiled. “Feel free to look around. Or feel around, if that’s what you’re into.” Then he noticed the guy didn’t have a coat. He was probably freezing. “And warm up. Your ears are red from the cold.”

Judging by the way he felt, Castiel was fairly sure his cheeks had joined his ears in coloration. He nodded once and, looking to the floor, mumbled a “thank you.”

Dean left the guy alone and went to retrieve his book. But the guy looked so lost, not to mention adorable, so he put the book away in the stockroom and heated up some water on the old coffee maker he had back there. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to leave a complete stranger alone in the store, even just for a few minutes, but if he was gonna rob him then he was the hottest criminal Dean had ever seen and maybe it was worth it. He grabbed a mug - dark blue, like the guy’s eyes - and emptied a packet of hot chocolate in it. Once the pot was finished filling with hot water he poured it into the mug and went to take it to the other man. It was too bad that he couldn’t make him proper hot chocolate, though. Dean was quite the cook.

He found the man at the back of the store, admiring the local artwork. Dean tapped him on the shoulder and the other man about jumped out of his skin, spinning around wide eyed to face Dean. Dean put his free hand up and took a small step back. He hadn’t meant to frighten the guy.

“I forgot to introduce myself,” he said. “My name’s Dean.” He lowered his free hand for a shake. Castiel stared at it a moment before looking back up at Dean’s face and remembering his manners.

“Castiel,” he said as he gripped Dean’s hand. He tried to ignore the tingling he felt in his belly.

“Castiel, well that’s… I haven’t heard that one before.” _Wow_ , he thought. _Could I sound like more of an asshole?_

“Yes, it’s not very common,” was all the explanation Castiel felt like offering. Explaining his name could get tedious and he’d have to bring up his family, which he didn’t want to think about with this green-eyed adonis in front of him.

Dean laughed, just to try to break the tension.  “Well, uh, I made you some hot chocolate. To, you know, help with the warming up.” He offered the mug to Castiel.

Castiel took the proffered mug and couldn’t hold back the small smile his mouth decided to produce. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean shrugged. “No problem.” At least he hadn’t screwed this up too bad. The guy had smiled at him and it was amazing. He wanted to make Castiel smile all the time. It seemed like a challenge, and Dean loved a challenge. Especially when they were as sexy as this.

They stood there dumbly staring at each other for a moment before the bell over the shop’s door tinkled and Dean turned to see Garth walk in. Talk about terrible timing.

“I should probably…” Dean nodded toward the man who just walked in. Dammit, he didn’t want to walk away from Castiel.

“Of course,” Castiel managed as casually as possible.

Dean nodded and walked over to Garth.

“Hey man, how’s it goin’?”

“Great! I asked Bess to marry me! She said yes!”

“Garth, that’s awesome!”

“Yeah, we’re trying to figure out where we’re gonna live because she has all those dogs, you know?”

Dean laughed because he did know. Bess had five dogs. It was ridiculous. They would have to find a decent sized house with a big back yard.

“Why don’t you just move into her place?”

“I think that’s probably the plan.”

Dean nodded and glanced toward Castiel who was sipping on his hot chocolate. The other man looked away as soon as their eyes met so Dean turned his attention back to Garth. He tried to keep an eye on Castiel, he really wanted to get a chance to get back over and talk to him some more, but more and more people began pouring into the shop.

Castiel tried, inconspicuously, to watch Dean from the back of the store. He seemed to know most of the people that came in to browse his collection. Some even made him laugh, which, although tinged with a bit of jealousy, warmed Castiel to the core. Dean laughed with his whole body, and it always seemed genuine. Castiel wanted to make Dean laugh like that. He wanted to make him smile. And he wanted to take him home and make him cry out his name. Castiel had been in this town nearly two years, and he knew he needed to start meeting people, but now he actually _wanted_ to.

An hour went by since he came into the store. He didn’t get another chance to talk to Dean, who was busy entertaining his customers. He didn’t blame Dean for not coming back. Why talk to a stranger when you’ve got your friends? Especially a weird one who just stands in the back of a store quietly and has a tendency to stare. He walked over to the counter, set his empty mug down, and turned to leave when a crazy (well, crazy for him) idea passed through his head. He faced the counter once more and, grabbing a local band flyer and the pen that was chained to the register, wrote down his number. He folded the sheet of paper and set his mug on top of it. Then he slipped out the door quickly before he could change his mind.

 

Dean said goodbye to the last of his friends and locked the door behind them. He walked over to the counter and noticed the empty mug. He smiled to himself thinking of the blue eyed stranger who came into his store that evening. Castiel was definitely different than the people he was used to meeting. Picking up the mug he was surprised to find a neatly folded piece of paper underneath. He took the note and the mug with him back to the office. Before he even started counting his earnings for the evening he opened the flyer.

 

_Dean-_

_Thank you again for your hospitality. Perhaps I can make it up to you?_

_-Castiel_

 

He left his phone number. Not that Dean knew anything about the guy, but if you had asked him he would have guessed he was too shy to do a thing like that. He wondered what other surprises Castiel could have up his sleeve. He smiled to himself as his imagination started to run away.

Once he finished up the deposits and had them ready for Sam to take to the bank in the morning he climbed the stairs from the office to the apartment he shared with his brother. He set the mug in the sink and quietly wandered to his bedroom. He pinned the note on the wall above his night stand. Maybe he would call Castiel and let him buy him coffee.

Who was he kidding? He was definitely going to call him.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel’s phone woke him up at a quarter past nine in the morning. He glanced at the screen.

 _Gabriel_.

“Hello.” His voice was still thick with sleep.

“Hey baby brother! You’re still in bed?” Gabriel sounded wide awake. That bastard.

“Yes. Some of us enjoy sleep.”

“Hey, I sleep.”

“You stay up partying every night until God knows when and then you’re up by seven every morning. That’s hardly sleep. I have no idea how you do it.”

“Well some of us actually have to work. We can’t all be published authors, you know.”

“What do you want, Gabriel?”

“I’ve got vacation next week. I’m coming to visit you!”

Castiel groaned at his brother. “It’s too early for jokes.”

“No joke! I was gonna surprise you but Anna said you’d probably kill me.”

“I still might. When are you coming?”

“You can pick me up at the airport on Saturday. Ten A.M.”

“I never knew you were suicidal. There are hotlines, you know.”

“Ha ha. Come on, man. I haven’t seen you since you came out here last Christmas!”

“Yes, alright. Text me the info. I’m going back to sleep.” Castiel hung up the phone. It buzzed a moment later with Gabriel’s flight info but he didn’t bother looking at it. Instead he lay in bed trying to decide if he wanted to go back to sleep or get up and have extra coffee this morning. Then his phone began ringing again.

“What?” he growled.

“Uh, hey. This is Dean. From, uh, It’s Only Rock and Roll? Um, the record shop? Is this a bad time?” Dean cringed every time he said the name of the shop. He got it; his dad was very insistent on the type of music sold there, but it was a mouth full.

Castiel pulled the phone away to look at the time. 12:37. Apparently he fell back to sleep after all. His face was burning. _Way to make yourself look like an ass the_ second _time you talk to the guy_. He sat up and cleared his throat, trying to control the shaking in his voice that he knew would be there next time he spoke.

“No, sorry. I thought you were my brother again. How are you, Dean?”

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn’t him Castiel was pissed at. He felt bad for Castiel’s brother though. “Pretty good, actually. I was wondering if you still wanted to get me back for the hot chocolate?”

“Yes, of course.” Castiel could feel his anxiety begin to rise. “What were you thinking?”

Dean fist pumped the air. “Do you drink coffee?”

Castiel chuckled. It was one of the best sounds Dean had ever heard. “I do.”

“Well there’s a shop next to the store. I could meet you there?”

“Today?”

Dean started to freak out.  _Oh no. It’s too soon. What’s that rule? You’re supposed to wait so many days or whatever?_  He was really no good at dating etiquette.

“Uh, yeah, if that’s good with you. I know it’s kinda last minute...”

“No, no, that sounds perfect.” _Deep breaths_ , Castiel kept telling himself. “Give me an hour?”

Dean let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Awesome. See you there.”

He hung up the phone and took a deep breath. He had to kill an hour. He’d already showered, trying to waste time before he finally broke down and called Castiel. He was already dressed, wearing his one pair of jeans that weren’t torn and a grey henley. He ran a hand through his hair. This might not even be a date. Maybe the guy was just really nice and genuinely wanted to pay him back for a crappy cup of hot chocolate. He did seem kinda weird. Dean paced around his room, boots clunking on the old, hardwood floors, when there was a knock at his door.

“Dean?” Sam called. “Are you okay in there?”

Dean opened the door. “What? Yeah, man, I’m fine. Why?”

“I could hear you pacing. Is it the store? The deposits seemed fine. Are you taking money out of your pay again to make up for low sales?”

“No, no, the store’s fine. It’s nothing. Really. I’m just wound up, I guess. I think I’m gonna get a cup of coffee.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No! I mean, nah, I just want some time to myself, you know.”

“Yeah man, cool,” Sam said skeptically. “Bring me something back?”

“Don’t you have to be getting back to work soon?”

“Well how long are you going to be?”

“I don’t know, a while?”

Sam let out an exasperated sigh. “Well I guess I’ll just go and get something now and head back to work.”

“Alright,” Dean said. “I’ll see you later.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, man, I’m fine, okay? Just drop it.”

“Fine.” And with that Sam was gone. Dean waited about ten minutes before leaving the apartment himself to wait in front of the coffee shop.

 

***

 

Castiel set the phone back on the nightstand and rolled out of bed, heading for the shower. He was nervous even though he knew there was no reason to be. His whole body was thrumming. Technically he had already met Dean, so he wasn’t really a stranger. And getting coffee with someone was a normal thing that normal people did. But knowing all of this didn’t actually make him feel better. Although, it didn’t make him feel worse, either. He knew he had a problem with anxiety, and the knowledge actually helped him get through things like this sometimes. Before he recognized it for what it was he would panic and make up excuses not to go out. But now, though it still made things difficult, he could push himself past it most times and still go out and experience what little life he had. He was still uncomfortable, but he figured it was the effort that counted.

He thought about all of this in the shower, and how, if he could just take the steps to get to the doctor, he could actually get past it. Someday.

He pulled on his best pair of jeans and a brown sweater. He wasn’t sure if this was a date, but he was going to look his casual best just in case.

 

About twenty minutes later Castiel appeared down the block walking toward the cafe. Dean waved but the other man’s head was down and he must not have seen. A moment later Castiel looked up and must have caught sight of him because he offered a small, unsure smile.

“Hello, Dean,” he said as he approached.

“Hey,” Dean said back, trying not to seem too anxious. He held the door open for Castiel and followed him to the counter. He let Castiel pay for the drinks and took them to a table near the front of the store. Dean tried not to stare at the man across from him and forced his fingers not to drum on the table. He needed to say something. Anything.

Castiel gripped his cup with both hands and tried not to hunch over it. He kept trying to tell himself that no one was actually staring at him. He tried to relax and enjoy the company of the gorgeous man sitting in front of him. He tried to unclench his jaw so he could at least open his mouth to try to start a conversation.

“So, are you new in town? I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” Dean’s voice broke through the thoughts buzzing around in his head.

“Actually, I’ve been here almost two years. I don’t know anyone here, though, so I don’t get out much.”

Dean nodded. “So where are you from, originally?”

“Illinois.”

Illinois. What did Dean know about Illinois? Oh! Untouchables!

“Oh, like Chicago?”

“About two hours away, yes.”

“Huh. What made you decide to move to Kansas, of all places?”

“I... needed a change in scenery. I just got in the car one day and drove,” He shrugged. “This is where I ended up, eventually. It’s nice here.” It wasn’t a lie, not really. No point in exposing himself completely to someone who’ll just get bored with him later.

 _Nice? This town?_ “It’s okay, I guess.”

“Are you originally from around here?”

Dean smiled. Asking questions can be hard, but answering them? He had no problem there. “Born and raised. The shop used to belong to my dad. He left it to me. Well, me and my brother, Sammy, but Sam’s busy being a lawyer so it’s pretty much mine. He helps out with the paper pushing, takes the deposits to the bank on his way to work in the morning, that kind of stuff. But the shop is my domain. I buy and sell the records, decide what art goes on the walls, pick the hours. There’s not much else to do at night around here unless you go to a bar or something, so it’s a nice distraction for most people. And kids with nothing better to do.”

“Sounds like you really enjoy it.”

“I do.” Dean smiled and leaned back in his chair. “What do you do?”

“I’m a writer.”

“Oh yeah? Anything I might have read?”

Castiel shrugged. “Have you ever heard of James Novak?”

Dean’s face it up. “Um, yeah! One of my favorite authors! The things he does with angels and demons, it’s such a fresh take on everything.”

Castiel could feel his face warm with a blush as he looked down into his coffee.

Dean then realized that Castiel wasn’t changing the subject. “Wait. Are you trying to tell me you’re James Novak? That’s a pen name?”

Castiel shrugged again. “Castiel Milton sounds like an old english professor. Boring. I needed something a little more… normal.”

“Oh man! This is -” Then Dean deflated. “Aw, shit. I fucked this up, didn’t I? I mean, no one wants to date a fan, do they?” His shoulders slumped. “Fuck.”

Of course he screwed this up. Dean Winchester is the King of Screw-Ups.

Castiel felt cold inside. Dean wanted to date him. And if he hadn’t told him who he was he might still have a chance. But now Dean thinks that he wouldn’t want him because he’s a fan of his work. It’s a fair point, but one Castiel desperately wants to overlook because, dammit, he is really interested in Dean.

Castiel looked like he was trying to figure out a way to let Dean down easy, so Dean decided to help him out.

“Look man, it’s cool,” Dean said with a sad smile. “I get it.”

“It’s not, I mean, I’m just,” Castiel sighed and stood up. “I have to go outside.” He started to leave and then turned back to Dean. “Please don’t leave,” he added, and walked out the door when Dean nodded.

Dean dropped his head in his hands. Before he could start sulking to himself someone slapped him on the shoulder. He looked up and saw Charlie glaring down at him.

“He’s still out there, Winchester. You better go talk to him.”

“I don’t know, I think I kinda messed this up.”

“You’ll never know until you try.”

Dean nodded and stood up. He knew better than to argue with a red-headed woman. Especially when she was your queen.

“And you better call me with all the deets when you get home!” she called after him.

Castiel stood against the brick wall of the building, running his hands through his hair and trying to breathe. It was like his mind was going a mile a minute but he couldn’t catch anything it was saying except _It’s a bad idea_ , which was easily countered with _Why?_ and _But look at him_ and _But he seems genuinely nice and not crazy and interesting_.

“You still want your coffee?” Dean held the cup out to him. Castiel hadn't even realized Dean was standing next to him. He looked from the cup to Dean’s face, repeating the action from the night before.

“I’m sorry, I just needed some air.”

Castiel sounded truly apologetic and Dean decided that even if this guy wasn’t interested in him maybe he’d still like to have a friend in town.

“It’s cool, man. Hey, wanna take a walk or something? We could walk around the lake.”

“Yes. That sounds nice.”

They walked in silence until they got to the deserted lake. Castiel was the first to speak.

“I apologize for the way I reacted back at the coffee shop.”

“No need to apologize, man. I totally fanboyed at you. That’s enough to make anyone nervous, I’m sure.”

“It’s not that, I’m nervous in general. It had nothing to do with you.”

“But I did totally mess this up, didn’t I?”

Castiel smiled and shook his head. “I don’t see why we couldn’t give this a shot. As long as you don’t go all Misery on me.”

Dean felt like he could have done a dance, he felt so relieved. “Hmm. I’ll try my best,” he winked.

They stopped to sit on a bench and finish their coffee.

“So you’re really this nervous all the time?”

Castiel shrugged and gripped his coffee tighter. “Some days are better. Some are worse.”

Dean was overcome with an almost unbearable need to make Castiel feel better, but he knew anxiety wasn’t something you could just magically make disappear. Maybe he could help a little bit though.

“Is it okay if I touch you?”

Castiel looked at him from the side and raised an eyebrow. “Yes?” he said cautiously.

Dean reached over with his right hand and, gripping the back of Castiel’s neck, began massaging. Castiel let his shoulders and head drop and deepened his breathing until he was nearly falling asleep.

“Thank you, Dean,” he mumbled.

 _Fuck it, I’m gonna go for it_ , Dean thought. He leaned over to Castiel’s ear and asked quietly, “Can I ask to do one more thing?”

Castiel hummed.

“Can I kiss you?”

Castiel turned his head toward Dean. The sunlight caught his eyes just right and Dean swore they couldn’t get bluer. Then he nodded.

Dean smiled and dipped his head toward Castiel’s. Their lips met and Castiel reached his hand back and cupped Dean’s head, just behind his ear. Dean’s hand went to Castiel’s waist. He couldn’t get enough. No other kiss had ever felt like this. It felt like electricity was coursing through his body. He wanted it to last forever, but a few moments later Castiel was pulling away. Not too far, just enough to look at Dean. He definitely seemed more relaxed now.

“Cas?” Dean whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Would you like to go out and get a burger with me tomorrow night?”

Castiel smiled. “I’d like that.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously I've got no sort of posting schedule. Basically, I'll just post a new chapter when I feel there's nothing more I can do to it. Also, I have no idea how to write out texts. If you have any suggestions let me know.
> 
> Aside from all of that, I wanted to tell you guys that your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. Feeds my ego just a little. ;)

Castiel sat in front of his computer trying to force out enough words to please his publisher when his phone buzzed. It was a text from Gabriel.

_Gabriel: Don’t forget about me tomorrow morning_

_Castiel: How could I ever forget my dear brother?_

_Gabriel: You totally forgot didn’t you_

_Gabriel: ?_

_Castiel: Actually, I did. I have a date tomorrow night, but I can cancel._

_Gabriel: A DATE???? YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT CANCELING_

_Castiel: No, it isn’t fair to you. I can reschedule._

_Gabriel: Oh no you don’t. You’re not using me as an excuse to get out of this. I’ll drag you kicking and screaming if I have to_

_Castiel: If you insist._

_Gabriel: Wow. That was a lot easier than I expected_

_Gabriel: Sooooo tell me all about this person_

_Castiel: I’ll tell you all about him when I pick you up tomorrow morning. I’m setting my alarm now._

_Gabriel: You better. I’ll see you in the morning_

Castiel set the phone down and ran his hands down his face. He had a date tomorrow. The last time he went on a date was… it didn’t matter. It was a lifetime ago. He didn’t know how to date. He didn’t even know how to flirt. How was he supposed to get through an entire dinner with Dean? He wasn’t the kind of person to ask questions to try to figure someone out. And isn’t that what a first date is? An interview? Cas preferred to get to know someone through spending time with them. People lie less through actions than words. At least that was his experience.

Castiel shut his laptop and busied himself making up the guest room. It didn’t take much, seeing as how he never had guests. After that he tried to watch some television but there was nothing interesting on so he gave that up. He made himself some spaghetti for dinner and stared at the screen of his laptop while he ate.  Halfway through he set the bowl on the floor and dropped his head to his desk. He gripped the hair at the back of his neck and tugged. It was too much. Gabriel. Dean. Work. It didn’t seem like a lot and at the same time he felt bombarded. He screwed his eyes tight and forced himself to take deep breaths. The last time he felt like this Dean merely had to lay a hand on his neck and he began to calm. He loosened the grip of his hands and focused on relaxing his body. He unclenched his teeth and unscrewed his eyes. He sat up and rolled his shoulders. He laid his hands on his thighs and focused on his breathing. Once he no longer felt like he was drowning he took his bowl to the kitchen and headed to bed.

 

***

 

“ _You_ have a _date_?”

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. “Yes, Sam. Why is this so hard for you to understand?”

“Because you don’t date, Dean. I honestly can’t think of a single time you ever took someone on a date. Are you feeling okay?” He finished putting the groceries away and shut the refrigerator door. “Are you on the drugs?” he whispered wide-eyed, trying not to smirk.

Dean threw a dish rag at him. “Fuck off, man. will you watch the store or not?” Dean dreaded this moment the instant he asked Castiel to dinner. His brother couldn’t let things go. He always had to talk about them.

“Of course I will. I just -”

“Good. Can we drop it now?” Dean started to walk out toward the living room.

“Yeah, man. No problem.” Sam followed his brother with a couple of beers and sat down on the opposite end of the couch while Dean flipped through the channels.

“Am I ever gonna meet this girl who’s got you acting like a normal human being?”

Dean tipped his head back and sighed. “Not at this rate.”

He dropped the remote on the middle cushion of the couch and stood up with his beer. “I’m gonna take a nap before work.”

“Dean.”

“I’m just tired, Sam. Got up kinda early today.” And with that he closed the door between him and Sam.

He sat down on his bed and took a drink from his bottle. He wasn’t lying to Sam. At least that’s what he told himself. He knew his brother would have no problem with him seeing another man but that’s another conversation entirely. Best to wait and see if it’s worth it. He considered actually trying to sleep but he was in a mood and it would get worse with an unsuccessful nap, and he knew he probably wouldn’t nod off anyway. He decided to read. He glanced over at his bookcase and his eyes caught his collection of James Novak novels. A smile creeped across his face, not because he was going on a date with the author, but because they reminded him of Castiel. A moment later the number from Charlie’s costume shop popped up on his phone.

“Hello?”

“Tell me everything!” she demanded.

Dean chuckled. He had forgotten about his promise to call her. He relayed the day’s events to her in detail, leaving out only the fact that Castiel was actually his favorite author. Charlie was the only person he could talk to about this. She was the only one who knew about his change in sexual preference. She was there for him through his panic and acceptance and confusion. She didn’t try to tell him what to do or how to think, but she encouraged him accepted him. Plus, it was nice to know someone who might know a thing or two about liking the same sex, even if it wasn’t the _same_ same sex.

“Yeah, but what did you do to make him get up and leave like that at the coffee shop?”

“I just… said something really stupid, okay? It’s really not important. It’s not why he left anyway.”

“Right, right, the anxiety. That can be a lot to deal with. You sure you’re ready for all that?”

“I think I can handle it. I really like him, Charlie.”

“Obviously. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of you going out on an actual date before.”

“Why is everyone making such a big deal about that?”

“Everyone who? Who else knows?”

“Just Sam. I mean, he just knows I’m going on a date. He doesn’t know...”

“You know, he’s gonna hafta find out eventually.”

“I know. I’m just not ready yet.”

“Okay. Well, I’m here if you need me whenever you are.”

“Thanks Charlie.”

“No problemo.”

 

***

 

Castiel’s alarm went off at 7:30 a.m. That gave him half an hour to hit the snooze button, an hour to get ready and drink a pot of coffee, and an hour to get to the airport and wait. When he finally turned off his alarm and rolled out of bed he realized he should have just made Gabriel rent a car. Who in their right mind decided to fly into Kansas from New York at this ungodly hour, anyway? Then again, Gabriel probably didn’t sleep until he got on the plane.

Castiel started the coffee maker and got into the shower. Rather than wake him up, the hot water just made him want to crawl back into bed and savor the warmth. But he refused to take a cold shower just for the sake of consciousness. He dried off and got dressed quickly. When he walked back into the kitchen he briefly considered drinking the coffee directly from the carafe before pulling an oversized mug from the cupboard. Looking at the time on the coffee maker as he poured his cup he realized he either slept later than intended or spent too much time enjoying the heat in the shower and pulled down his travel mug as well.

Mug in hand, he opened the front door to get the paper. Frost covered the ground and he groaned inwardly. Then he saw tiny paw prints scattered across his front stairs. He tilted his head at them and then grumbled at the distance he had to walk just to get his paper out of the yard. The house wasn’t that far from the street. He was pretty sure the paperboy does it on purpose. _If it is a paperboy_ , he thought. _Do they even have those anymore? Paperperson? Whatever_.

He took the paper back inside and wandered back to the kitchen. He poured some milk into a bowl and popped it into the microwave for a few seconds while he opened a can of tuna and dumped it onto a saucer. He placed these outside for the seemingly tiny, stray cat.

He sighed as he drained his mug and returned to the kitchen to fill his travel mug. As he opened the front door to leave he noticed a small, grey kitten enjoying the treats he left for it. He reached his hand toward it.

“Here kitty.”

It looked up at him with frosty, blue eyes and ran off behind the bushes lining his house. Castiel sighed and got in his car.

The drive to the airport was uneventful. On the drive back Castiel tried to divulge as little information about his encounters with Dean as possible, but big brothers are ruthless.

“So he just started massaging your neck and all your nerves just melted away?”

“They didn’t all melt away, but I did feel a little more relaxed. It’s been a long time since anyone has tried to comfort me and didn’t ask me to explain my anxiety.”

“Hey! My very presence is comforting!”

“Yes, but I’m rarely in your presence anymore, Gabriel.”

“True, true. But don’t think I’m moving out here to BFE just so you can relax.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Seriously, though. I’m happy for you.”

“You make it sound like I’m getting married. It’s just a date.” As he’d been telling himself over and over for the past two days.

“Still. You’re smiling more than I’ve seen you smile in a really long time. And you haven’t even tried to cancel, even though you have a legitimate excuse. Seems like you really like him.”

 _I do._ “I barely know him.”

After that talk changed to what there was to do in town and the nightlife, of which Castiel had absolutely no idea. Gabriel knew this, of course, but was trying to keep the conversation light, trying to keep away from the fact that Castiel hadn’t been on a date in years. This was a big step for his little brother, and he was going to do everything he could to keep him from freaking out about it. Castiel really loved his brother sometimes.

Castiel pulled into his driveway and shut off the engine.

“You don’t use the garage?”

“I still haven’t unpacked everything.”

“What the hell have you been doing for the past two years?”

“Trying to write.”

The little grey kitten was sitting on the stoop and mewed at Castiel as he approached.

“This your cat?”

“I’m considering taking it in.”

“Well, let’s try and catch it then.” Gabriel started but Castiel put a hand out to stay his brother. The kitten mewed again. Slowly, Castiel approached the tiny, shivering thing with his hand out. The cat leaned forward and sniffed, then rubbed the top of it’s head against his outstretched fingers. Castiel scooped it up and held it close to his chest where it started purring.

“Well that was easy,” Gabriel remarked.

One hand holding the cat and the other fumbling with his keys, Castiel eventually let them into his house.

“I have a room made up for you.” Castiel said as he watched Gabriel drop his bags at the edge of the couch.

“I’ll get to it later.” He sprawled across the sofa. “Breakfast?”

“I can make you some coffee. That’s usually what my breakfasts consist of.”

“Let me take you out somewhere!”

Castiel groaned. He’d just got home and he had to go out later.

“Okay, tell you what,” Gabriel stood up. “Let me borrow the car and I’ll get us breakfast and pick up some things for Mister Fluffybottom there.”

“I believe the cat is a female.”

“Fine. Miss Fluffybottom.”

Castile looked at the cat and thought for a moment. He did need to get the basic necessities for the creature, but he felt bad for sending Gabriel off already. He only just arrived.

“Come on, man. I wanna see this town you live in. And someone probably should stay here while she gets to know the house.”

“Fine.” Castiel handed the keys to Gabriel. “Don’t get into any trouble.”

“Who, me?” Gabriel winked as he headed out the door.

Castiel started a fire in the fireplace to warm up the house and then stood and stretched his back. The kitten rubbed against his legs, purring, and then wandered down the hallway toward his office. Castiel followed. When she leaped to his chair and then his desk he smiled.

“You’re right. I probably should try to write while I have the chance.”

The kitten, in apparent agreement, curled up into a ball on the corner of his desk as he opened the laptop. He cracked his knuckles and laid his fingers on the keyboard.

 

An hour and countless words later he heard the front door open.

“Honey, I’m home!” Gabriel called. Castiel scratched the top of the kitten’s head and went to meet his brother. The kitten followed.

“I got you pancakes. With extra butter and honey,” Gabriel said as he handed a bag with a styrofoam container to Castiel. “And a all the kitty amenities the hot chick at the pet store suggested for Miss Fluffybottom.” He set two rather large bags on the floor.

“Thalia.”

“What?”

“Her name is Thalia.”

 

***

 

Saturday afternoon was uneventful for Dean, with Sam only bugging him about his date once or twice in the afternoon while Dean was trying to keep himself busy before the date. What do people even do on dates? He had no idea. He certainly wasn’t going to ask Sam, even if he was probably the authority. He’d been dating Jess for six years now. But he couldn’t deal with Sam wanting to know every detail right now. He shot Charlie a text.

_Dean: What do people even do on dates?_

_Charlie: I don’t know about normal people but Gilda and I tend to suck face a lot_

_Dean: That’s not very helpful_

_Charlie: I don’t know! Just pretend he’s just a regular person. Ask him how his day was or how the writing’s going or what he’s doing for the holidays_

_Charlie: You’re gonna be fine. There’s no way he doesn’t like you. Just be your charming self._

_Dean: Yeah_

_Dean: Thanks_

_Charlie: If for some crazy reason he doesn’t like you I’ll murder him in his sleep_

_Dean: Always with the murder_

_Charlie: Hey, I can’t help it if I’m protective of the ones I love!_

_Dean: Haha_

_Charlie: What are you wearing?_

_Dean: Whoa_

_Charlie: Perv. I just want to make sure you don’t look like a dork_

_Dean: When do I ever look like a dork?_

_Charlie: Really? Shall I find some pictures? I’m sure I still have them saved on my phone_

_Dean: Maroon shirt and khakis_

_Charlie: Yes. Good._

_Dean: Glad I got your approval_

_Charlie: Hey, I’m just looking out for you_

_Dean: I gotta get going_

_Charlie: Let me know how it goes_

_Dean: Yes, your Highness_

Dean threw on his dad’s old coat and walked down the stairs to the office of the shop. Thankfully he didn't see Sam anywhere around. He opened the back door and started to walk out.

“Have fun on your date!” Sam called happily from the top of the stairs.

Dean waved him the middle finger and left.

 

***

 

“How does this look?” Castiel presented himself to his brother for the third time that evening. He was wearing a blue button down and a pair of black slacks. Gabriel basically had to wrestle the tie out of his hands on his first attempt.

“I still say it’s too formal for burgers. Why don’t you just throw on a sweater?”

Castiel huffed and dashed back into his room. He pulled on a grey, v-neck sweater over his shirt and walked back out to the living room.

Gabriel shook his head. “Fine. You look great, Castiel. Let me know how good the merlot is.”

Castiel sighed. “I’m not changing again. This’ll have to do.”

“Seriously, little bro, you look fine. Besides, he shouldn’t be concerned with what you’re wearing.” He waggled his eyebrows. “He should be more concerned with getting the clothes off of you.”

Castiel shook his head and tried not to grin. He grabbed his trenchcoat from the rack by the door.

“Tell me you’re not wearing that old thing.”

“Why not? Like you said, it’s just burgers.”

 

***

 

Dean walked the couple blocks to the restaurant. It was just a small place but it had the best burgers in town. Of course it did, because Benny was the chef, and if there was one thing that man could do, it was cook. He stood out front and waited. A few minutes later Castiel appeared.

“Hello, Dean,” he smiled.

Dean didn’t even try to fight the smile that broke across his face. “Hey, Cas.”

He opened the door and followed Cas in and to a table in the back of the restaurant. From that corner you could see almost everything going on in the place and out on the streets. It was Dean’s favorite table.

“Nice choice,” he told Cas.

They didn’t say much else while they scanned the menus and ordered, but once that was done it didn’t take long for the silence to get to Dean.

“So,” He couldn’t keep from drumming his thumbs against the table. “How was your day?”

Cas smiled and relaxed into his seat. At least he didn’t seem as nervous as he did yesterday.

“Not bad. I picked up my brother from the airport this morning and adopted a cat.”

“A cat?” Of course Cas was a cat person. Not that Dean hated them, not as much as dogs, anyway, but there was one minor problem.

“Yes. I named her Thalia. She seems to be helping with my writing.” Wait. “Do you not like cats?” He asked wide-eyed.

 _Seriously, could this guy get any cuter?_ “Nah, I’m just allergic. I’ll just be sure to bring extra meds whenever I come over.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Dean realized what he had said. He practically invited himself over to Castiel’s house. What if Cas wasn’t even interested in him? To his surprise, though, Cas just smirked at him. Then another thing dawned on him.

“Wait. Did you say you picked your brother up from the airport?”

“Yes. At ten in the morning. I swear he does it on purpose.” Castiel squinted his eyes. Dean would have thought it was adorable if he hadn’t been hung up on the fact that his brother was visiting from out of town and Cas abandoned him.

“Dude, if you had family in town you could’ve rescheduled.”

“He’s here until next Sunday. That’s more than enough time with Gabriel, even if I haven’t seen him in two years.”

“Gabriel?”

Cas nodded.

“Religious family?”

He huffed out a laugh. “You could say that, yes.”

“How’s that working out for ya? With the, uh, you know…” He gestured between the two of them.

Castiel’s small smile remained on his face. Dean was easy to talk to. “Not great. Gabriel and Anna are supportive though.”

Dean nodded and then tilted his head to the side. “Anna’s not too bad.”

“Her birth name is Anael.”

Dean grimaced. “Oof.”

“Yes. She had it legally changed when she turned eighteen.”

“I can’t say I blame her.”

Cas chuckled. “None of us did. Surprisingly, Lucifer did not change his name.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I am not.”

“Wow.”

They talked a lot about Cas’ family, three brothers and two sisters made for a lot of anecdotes, though there was something behind his eyes when he told stories about growing up.  Dean couldn’t figure out if it was sadness or pain, or both maybe. He wanted to ask Cas about it but he figured he’d tell him about it when he was ready. When Cas asked about Dean’s family he didn’t say much. He told Cas that both of his parents were gone but he didn’t elaborate. Apparently they were both keeping some things in. But he did open up about Sammy. He told him all about how smart he was and how he went to law school and was dating this great girl and how much he helps with the shop. When it comes to his little brother it’s usually pretty hard to shut Dean up.

When the table was cleared and the bill was paid Dean wasn’t ready for it to be over yet.

“Wanna go for a walk?” he offered.

Cas nodded and walked beside him all the way down to the lake. That’s when Dean spotted it, and it made a funny little feeling inside of him.

“If I were a sappy man, I’d point out that that’s our bench there.”

“Well, if I were so sappy, I’d suggest that we go sit on it and not rush an end to our date.”

Well. At least they were on the same page. Dean chuckled and grabbed Cas’ hand. He quickened their pace until they got to the bench and sat down, both trying to pretend that the wood wasn’t so cold beneath them.

They looked out at the lake in silence for a few moments. Then Dean turned his head toward Cas. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hello,” Castiel said as he looked back. Dean leaned in for a kiss and Castiel met him halfway.

They made out for about twenty minutes before Dean lost the fight with his body and started shivering.

“Fuck it’s cold,” he observed.

“Yes, and I should probably be getting home to make sure Gabriel hasn’t burned the place down. Again.”

Damn, but Dean didn’t want it to end. “Man,” he laughed. “Under normal circumstances I’d be convincing you to come home with me right now.”

Castiel’s heart dropped. “Normal circumstances?”

Dean sighed. Here goes nothing. “I’m, uh, kinda new. To this whole bisexual thing, I mean.”

“Oh.”

This was it. This was where Cas was going to realize that Dean wasn’t worth his time. Dean just hoped that he’d let him down gently. When Cas didn’t say anything he thought he’d try to explain.

“Not like… I mean, I’ve always known I was attracted to men, too, but I just kinda repressed it, I guess? But then I started noticing things and really thinking about it. My friend, Charlie, helped a lot. And I just kinda realized it. Thinking back, it’s always been there. I don’t know how I never noticed it before.” He took a breath. “Anyway, I haven’t told Sammy yet. Not that I think he’d have a problem with it, I just don’t know how, you know?”

To his surprise and relief Castiel nodded. “I understand. We can take things slow if that’s better for you.”

“Hell no, man. I really like you. I don’t want to go slow. I’m just sorry I can’t do all the things I want to do to you right now.”

Castiel felt his face blush. “Don’t be sorry. We’ll figure something out. If nothing else, Gabriel will be gone in a little over a week.”

How on Earth did he find such an amazing guy? “You’re really cool about this. Thanks, Cas.” They stood up and began walking in the direction of Cas’ car.

Castiel shrugged. “Not everyone has their sexuality figured out at a young age. At least you’re willing to open yourself up to new possibilities.”

Dean hummed and threaded his fingers through Castiel’s. He walked Cas to his car and gave him a quick kiss goodbye. He stood on the sidewalk and watched until he couldn’t see the tail lights from Cas’ little car anymore. Then he turned around and walked home. And this time he was sure to text Charlie on the way.

 

***

 

Castiel was completely unsurprised to find Gabriel on the couch petting Thalia, who was curled up in his lap, and watching mundane television.

“Well? Where is he? It was the trenchcoat, wasn’t it? Probably took one look at it and took off.”

“You’re hilarious. Did you really think I’d bring him back here when you were around?”

Gabriel shrugged. “Maybe I was rooting for you. Couldn’t go back to his place?”

“And leave my house and cat in your hands for an entire evening? You must be kidding.”

“Hey! Thalia loves me. And I only burned your house down once.”

Castiel scratched the top of Thalia’s head and she leapt off Gabriel’s lap and followed him into the kitchen where he began to make himself a cup of tea.

“Really, though, how’d it go?”

“Well, I think.” Castiel leaned back against the counter, waiting for his water to boil.

“But?”

He sighed. “No ‘but’. At least I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, that totally sounds convincing.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Come on, man. What’s up?”

Castiel turned to drop the tea diffuser into his empty mug. “He’s said he’s new to this. I don’t know. I don’t want to be an experiment. I really like him, Gabe.”

“Wow. You’ve met him, what, twice?”

“Three times.”

“Damn. Do you think that maybe he’s genuinely into you? You’re not half as bad as you think, or I tell you. Don’t tell anyone, but you’re actually quite a catch.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head, pouring the water into his mug. “Thanks. And maybe.” He turned to face his brother. “I should probably give him a chance?”

Gabriel clapped him on the shoulder. “Yeah, man. And let me meet him. I have asshole radar.”

Castiel’s eyebrows shot up.

“That came out wrong.”

Cas again chuckled and shook his head at his brother. It was a commonplace gesture whenever he was around. He carried his tea into the living room and made himself comfortable on the sofa. Thalia jumped into his lap almost immediately.

“So, what are we watching?”

“Dr. Sexy, M.D.” Gabriel beamed as he sat on the other end of the couch. “All night marathon.”

For the third time inside of five minutes Castiel chuckled and shook his head.


	4. Chapter 4

The first half of Gabriel’s visit actually went really well, with only minor, big-brotherly frustrations. It was Wednesday, and Castiel had just received a text from Dean when it happened.

“Shit!” came ringing out from the laundry room.

“What?”

Silence, and then, “Nothing!”

“Gabriel,” Castiel growled slowly, “what did you do?”

He heard a muffled “fuck” followed by the banging of what could only be a head on metal. Then a sloppy, wet sound. Cas stood up and walked quickly to the hushed sounds of Gabriel’s distress. Suddenly his sock-clad foot stepped in water-soaked carpet.

“Gabriel!”

His brother’s head popped around the doorframe. “I can fix it.”

“Don’t. We’ll call someone. Just, get out of there before you break anything else. Or hurt yourself.”

Gabriel sheepishly ducked his head and trudged past Castiel into his room. Cas unlocked his phone to figure out what to do about it when he remembered Dean’s text.

_Dean: Hey Cas what’s up_

_Cas: Gabriel just broke my washing machine. How’s your day going?_

He was scrolling through search results on his phone, trying to figure out who Gabriel could call to fix this when Dean replied.

_Dean: Shit man that sucks. I could probably come take a look at it for you_

_Cas: I wouldn’t want to put you out._ Cas replied, hopefully.

_Dean: Shut up. You wouldn’t be putting me out. I’m good at fixing stuff_

_Dean: What’s your address_

Cas sent it to him along with a _Thank you_.

_Dean: No problem, man. I’ll be there in 10_

It didn’t take long for Dean to find Cas’ little house. It was a lot more modest than he expected for a best-selling author, but, then again, Cas was full of surprises. He knocked on the door and Cas led him to the laundry room, thanking him again.

When Cas came back Gabe let out a low whistle. “You should be kissing my ass for breaking your washing machine and giving you an excuse to get him over here.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“For real. Experimenting or not, you better tap that.Does he have any sisters?”

“No, and if he did I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Aww.”

 

When Dean pulled the washer out he noticed the hose had been pulled from the wall. He huffed a laugh and reattached it. It took almost no time at all.

He walked down the hall looking for Cas and his brother and found them in the kitchen. He sat at the table with Gabriel.

“All fixed. Hose just came loose.”

Castiel felt his ears turn pink. “Oh.”

“Hey, Castiel,” Gabriel piped in. “Let me borrow your car. I wanna check out this town’s daylife.” He gave his brother an obvious wink.

Cas sighed and nodded and his brother headed out the door.

“Smooth,” Dean said. _And appreciated_ , he did not add out loud.

“Yes, very. Would you like some coffee?”

“Sure.”

Castiel poured Dean a cup. “Let me make you lunch? I’m not much of a chef, but I do make a good grilled cheese.”

Dean laughed. “Alright.”

Castiel busied himself at the stove and Dean came to stand beside him. “I gotta say. This house isn’t what I expected for a big time author.”

Castiel shrugged. “It’s more than I need.”

Dean nodded and sipped at his coffee. It was pretty damn good, but not what he really wanted to be tasting at the moment. He set the mug down and inched closer to Cas, placing his hand on the small of his back. Cas leaned into the touch. Dean snaked his other hand around Cas’ belly and planted it on his hip, turning him to face Dean.

“You know, if you wanted me to come over you could have just asked. Didn’t have to go breaking appliances and blaming it on your brother.” He leaned in and kissed Cas.

Cas hummed and pulled away slightly to flip the sandwiches. “I assure you, it was unintentional. If I had planned it, I would have already sent Gabriel out.” He turned the stove top off and turned to face Dean again. Threading his fingers through the hair on the back of Dean’s head he pulled him in for another kiss. This one slower and deeper than the first. Dean turned them so that Cas was pressed up against the counter. He moved his kisses south, mouthing along Cas’ jaw and neck, nipping occasionally. Cas hissed and slipped a hand under Dean’s shirt. Dean slid a leg between Castiel’s and pressed himself against him. Castiel groaned and dug his fingernails in. Dean pulled back just enough to pull Cas’ shirt off and Cas let him. He started rocking his hips against Dean as Dean slammed their mouths together. Cas broke away far enough to speak.

“Would you like to move this into the bedroom?”

“Fuck yes,” Dean gasped.

Castiel pulled Dean’s shirts off of him as he steered them toward his bedroom, careful not to run Dean into any walls or furniture. He backed Dean up to the bed. Dean sat down instantly and scrambled his way to the center of it. Castiel climbed after him. Dean decided that watching Cas crawl toward him was one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen. He grabbed for Cas’ pants, undoing the fly with one hand, and plunged his hand in, palming Cas’ cock through his boxers. Castiel dipped his head, their foreheads touching, and gasped. He looked back at Dean, panting, and Dean looked back, wide eyes blown by lust. Dean removed his hand and grabbed the waistbands of both Cas’ pants and underwear, raising his eyebrows, asking for permission. Castiel nodded and dipped forward to kiss Dean again, but his elbow gave out from under him and he ended up falling on top of the other man, bumping Dean’s nose with his forehead.

“Oof,” Dean chuckled.

“Sorry,” Cas smiled back, lying on his side next to Dean, their legs tangled together. Castiel’s jeans and boxers were halfway down his thighs. He pulled them off the rest of the way and leaned over to work on Dean’s. Dean hoped Cas didn’t notice how much he was trembling. Once they were both undressed they lay there for a moment, taking each other in.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cas marveled.

Dean looked down at the sheets for a moment in embarrassment before leaning in to kiss Cas and rolling on top of him. Their hands explored each other’s bodies and they began to rut against each other. Dean properly climbed on top of Cas, legs and arms encompassing the other man, and started moving again. It felt so amazing, nothing like what he had expected. He pushed himself up to get a better look at the man under him and couldn’t help but smile. Cas looked spectacular. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were practically black with little rings of blue. The sweat made his golden skin glimmer. And he thought _Dean_ was beautiful.

“What?” Castiel smiled back. Dean just shook his head and bent down again to mouth at Cas’ chest. Castiel arched his back and ran his fingers up and down Dean’s back. He stretched his arm toward the nightstand but couldn’t quite reach. He scooted toward his left and Dean got the idea and moved with him, sucking marks onto his collarbone and shoulder. Finally Cas’ fingers brushed the drawer. He opened it and fumbled around, eventually finding the bottle of lube. He carded his hand through Dean’s hair, encouraging him to move back to his mouth. Cas popped open the bottle and poured some of the contents into his other hand. He warmed the liquid between his fingers and reached between them, taking both of them into his hand.

“Fuck,” Dean gasped.

Castiel hummed and began to stroke.

Dean propped himself on his elbows and they stared at each other, panting, as the pressure began to build. It didn’t last long.

“F-fuck Cas,” he breathed as he came in the other man’s hand. Cas came an instant later with a low grunt.

 

The first thing Cas noticed when he woke up, after staring at Dean for a few, long minutes, was that his door was closed. The next thing he noticed was the sound of sloshing water coming from the end of the hall. He dropped his head back down to his pillow and groaned. Dean rolled over, blinking. He smiled and tried to breathe through his stuffed nose.

“Hey,” he said, running his fingers through Cas’ thoroughly mussed hair.

“Hello,” Cas tilted his head. “Are you alright?”

“Allergies,” Dean shrugged. “What’s that sound?”

“I believe Gabriel is attempting to mop up the water from the washer.”

Dean sat up, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Benadryl? And maybe my shirt?”

Cas nodded and got up. He got as far as pulling his pants on before Dean grabbed his arm, tugging him down for a kiss. Castiel followed happily until Dean had to pull back for air.

“I’ll be right back,” Cas smiled.

Castiel walked out into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind him. He tried to ignore Gabriel at the end of the hall but it was impossible.

Gabriel smiled and winked. “Hey, I ate those two sandwiches on the stove. Hope you weren’t saving them for anything.”

Castiel was shocked that that was all his brother had to say.

“And learn how to close a fucking door next time!”

In the bedroom Dean didn’t hear any of the conversation but Gabriel’s last line. _Next time_ , Dean thought. He liked that idea. For the first time in a long time he wanted there to be a ‘next time.’ It had been quite a while since Dean had thought about “next time,” but now he couldn’t get the idea out of his head. He used to laugh it off. After Lisa he’d gotten the hint that “next time” wasn’t in the cards for him. It just wasn’t something that he was allowed. Now, it seemed he had a chance after all.

It wasn’t long before Cas was back with Dean’s shirt and a box of allergy medicine.

“Gabriel ate the sandwiches. I’m sorry. They would have been cold anyway. I could make you another if you wanted.”

“That’s alright. I should probably get going soon. Maybe next time?” He ventured.

“I’d like that.”

 

Dean and Cas exchanged texts throughout the rest of the week. Mostly about how Gabriel was driving Cas crazy. Dean could sympathize. That’s what brothers did best, it seemed. Sam was still driving him crazy about meeting this “chick” he was seeing. Dean needed to get out, plus he still owed Gabriel an apology for having to see him naked. On Saturday he texted Cas.

_Dean: What are you guys doing for dinner?_

Castiel glanced up at Gabriel, who was drying the last of the dishes from lunch. “Do you have plans this evening?”

“No, but I can make some if you need me to,” he winked.

_Cas: We have no plans._

_Dean: Great! I’m on my way over_

Dean realized he’d just invited himself over. What if Cas was busy?

_Dean: If that’s okay_

Cas smiled down at his phone. When would it ever not be okay for Dean to come over?

_Cas: Of course._

_Cas: Should I send Gabriel out?_

_Dean: Haha no. I want to make him a going away dinner. Sort of an apology for seeing my naked ass the other day_

_Cas: You don’t have to do that._

_Dean: I know but I want to_

_Cas: Alright then. See you soon._

Gabriel turned a chair around at the little dining table and straddled it. “So you need me to get lost?”

Cas shook his head. “No, Dean is coming over to make dinner for us. He wants to apologize for your having to see us naked the other day.”

Gabe ran a hand down his face. “Oh, God, don’t remind me.”

 

***

 

Sam walked into the kitchen to find Dean packing up grocery bags with food and cooking supplies.

“What are you doing?”

Dean shuffled through his brain trying to come up with a reasonable excuse. He came up with nothing.

“You know that person I’ve been seeing? I’m going to make ‘em dinner.”

“Why do you do that?”

“Because I like cooking for people?”

“No, I mean, you always say ‘person’ or ‘them’ instead of ‘she’ or ‘her’.”

Dean dropped his arms in defeat. Might as well get on with it.

“Maybe because it’s not a ‘she’.”

Dean could practically see the wheels turning in Sam’s head.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. ‘Oh’.”

“Why don’t you just say ‘him’ then?”

“I don’t know Sam. I just didn’t know how to tell you. It’s not really normal for me, and you’ve already been going on about my ‘strange dating habits’. I didn’t want to make it into an issue.”

“Did you think I’d freak out on you or something?”

“No, it’s not that. I just knew you’d want to talk about it. I like dudes, I always have. I didn’t want to have a big discussion about it. I still don’t.”

“Well I want to meet him.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I want to know all about the person who’s made you into the kind of guy who goes on dates and fixes washing machines and fucking drives to their house to cook dinner.”

“No. No way.”

“Come on, Dean. I’m gonna have to meet him eventually. Why not now?”

“He’s not big on people. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

“I mean, you could call first. It’s not like I wanna show up unannounced.”

“Sam…”

“Dean, just call him.”

 

Castiel’s phone buzzed. And then it continued to buzz. Dean was calling him. Cas felt a dull thrumming under his skin, mostly in his palms. His heart was pounding. He didn’t do phone calls. His heart started to pound and his vision blurred. He couldn’t not answer it. He kept telling himself it was just Dean. He picked up the phone and swiped across it to answer the call before it went to voicemail. His lips tingled, not wanting to open, but he took a deep breath and swallowed.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Cas. Sorry. It was just easier to call.”

“It’s no problem,” he lied.

“So, uh, I told Sam about us and now he keeps whining and bitching that he wants to come to dinner and meet you. But I totally understand and wouldn’t blame you at all if you didn’t want him crashing our little party.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I would love to meet your brother.”

Dean sighed into the phone. “You sure? Because I would be more than happy to tell him to stay home. He just wouldn’t let up until I called.”

“It’s fine, Dean. Please, bring him.”

“Alright,” Dean groaned. Cas could hear Sam whoop in the background. “We’ll be there in a few.”

“Alright.”

“Okay.”

“...”

“...”

Cas smiled. “Goodbye, Dean.”

“Bye, Cas.”

“Oh my God, you two! I’m gonna throw up! And I love sweets.”

Castiel scratched his forehead with his middle finger.

“Real mature, little bro. And wipe that stupid lovesick smile off your face. Thank God someone else will be here to suffer with me.”

Cas stood up and made himself some relaxing tea. His own blend, with camomile and kava. Sometimes he wished he hadn’t quit smoking.

Dean and Sam showed up a few minutes later with bags full of groceries. Cas raised his eyebrows and Gabe whistled.

“Are you making us a feast?” Gabriel asked.

“Nah,” Dean smiled as he set the groceries on the counter in the kitchen. “Just roast beef with carrots and potatoes. And cherry pie.” He turned to look at Cas. “But I brought my own cookware because I didn’t know what all you had. You said you didn’t cook much.”

Castiel shrugged with an easy smile. “I have some pots and pans?”

Sam pushed past Dean and walked up to Cas, sticking his hand out. “Hey, I’m Sam.”

“I’m very pleased to meet you, Sam. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Castiel, and this is my brother, Gabriel.”

Sam and Gabe gave each other a short wave and then Sam turned back to Cas. He looked like he was deciding on what to say. “It’s really nice to meet you, Castiel.”

Cas squinted ever so slightly and tilted his head. Then he remembered his manners. “May I take your coats?”

“Oh, sure!” Sam handed his over and Castiel walked to Dean, who gave his coat along with a small peck on the lips. Castiel shoved the coats at his brother and turned back to Dean, who was just finishing unpacking.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Nah,” Dean smiled. “I can handle this.”

“Believe me,” Sam interrupted, “you do not want to get in his way while he’s cooking. Why don’t we go watch a movie or something?”

Sam walked back toward the living room. Gabriel laughed and patted Sam on the back. “Boy, are you in for a surprise.”

Cas remained in the kitchen with Dean, watching after them.

“Hey, Earth to Cas.”

Cas’ attention snapped back to Dean. “My apologies.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Dean replied, looking worried. “You okay?”

Castiel took a deep breath. “Yes, of course.” He cupped Dean’s face and gave him his best reassuring smile.

Dean dipped down to kiss him. “Alright,” he said as he pulled back. “Go on and watch that movie. Sam wasn’t kidding about not wanting to get in my way,” he winked.

“Alright,” Cas said with another kiss.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean called as he was making his way out of the room. “Don’t let Sam give you any shit.”

Cas smiled back at him, genuinely. “I think I can handle it.”

 

Cas walked into the living room and took his place on the couch. Gabriel sat on the other side, Thalia was curled up by the fireplace, and Sam was flipping through the channels on the television.

“Cas,” Sam scoffed at him. “How can you not own any movies?”

Castiel shrugged. “I haven’t seen a lot of movies. None that I liked enough to own, anyway.”

“I tried to convince him to get something good, one of the holy trilogies, maybe, but he never listens to his big brother.” Gabriel pouted.

“Little brothers never listen,” Sam smirked.

“Yeah, but he’s never even seen Star Wars.”

Sam gaped at Cas. “You’ve never seen… Oh, man, Dean is gonna have a field day with that.”

“Is it really that big of a deal?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Sam and Gabe said simultaneously.

Cas deflated. “Perhaps I’ll consider it.”

“Mr. Big Time Published Author thinks he’s too good for all that pop culture stuff.” Gabe kicked Castiel’s knee.

“Published author? Would I know anything you’ve written?”

Castiel opened his mouth to answer but Gabriel interrupted.

“You mean Dean didn’t tell you he’s dating the one and only James Novak?”

Sam slid to the edge of his chair. “You’re James Novak? My brother has all of your books!”

Castiel glared at his brother.

Gabriel chuckled and stood up. “I’m gonna go make coffee, anybody else want some?”

“Please,” Sam responded.

“Would you mind making me another cup of tea?” Castiel begged.

“Sure thing, little bro.” Gabriel squeezed Cas’ shoulder as he walked past the back of the couch.

Sam moved to the sofa to talk to Castiel.

“My brother’s not like some crazy fanboy. He’s not going to, like, murder you or anything. I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I already knew Dean was a fan. I’m not worried. There seemed to be interest before that information came out.”

“Good. Because my brother is one hell of a guy, and it’d be a shame for you to give him up just because he likes to read your books. In the same breath, you better not be using him because he’s a fan.”

Castiel squinted. “Is this turning into the ‘hurt my brother and I’ll kill you’ speech?”

“Look, man. All I’m saying is my brother doesn’t do dates. He doesn’t go to someone’s house and cook dinner unless it’s family. He’s a one night stand, love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy. So he must be pretty gone on you. And, yeah, you hurt him and you will wish you were never born.”

“Duly noted.”

 

Gabriel sauntered into the kitchen as Dean was putting the pie into the oven. As he started cleaning up his mess Gabriel started the coffee maker and filled the teapot.

“I think Sam’s giving Castiel the ‘hurt my brother and I’ll kill you’ speech, which I think is my cue to do the same. Especially since I’m leaving in the morning.”

Dean wiped off the counter and got out the potatoes and carrots for scrubbing and cutting. “Go for it.”

“Well it’s probably pretty obvious that my brother is socially…”

“Anxious? Yeah, I know.”

“Right. Well he doesn’t go out much, so he doesn’t meet people. Him meeting you? That was a fluke. Or maybe fate. We’ll see.”

Dean continued scrubbing his vegetables.

“When he does meet people he trusts far too easily. He has no reason to. The last couple relationships he’s been in have ended pretty terribly.”

“I’m not sure it’s your place to discuss your brother’s relationship history.”

“You’re right. It’s not-”

“And he obviously survived, so I doubt he’s the fragile little flower you’re painting here.”

“He’s not. He’s strong. Strong as hell. That doesn’t mean he deserves to go through it all again.”

“I don’t plan on putting Cas through any pain-”

“Nobody usually does.”

“-But, look, man. This?” He gestured at himself and around the room. “This isn’t me. I don’t date. I don’t just go to people’s houses and cook them and their family dinner. Cas is different than anyone I’ve ever met. I like him. A lot. If anyone’s gonna be doing the leaving here, it’s not gonna be me.”

“Yeah, well. Just know I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces when it all goes to shit.”

Dean started chopping. “I’m not going to not hurt him for you. I’m going to do it for him. And me. I like you well enough, but you’re not in this relationship.”

Gabriel nodded and began filling mugs. “I have a feeling your brother did a much better job than I did.”

Dean laughed and dumped the vegetables on top of the beef in a pot. “Probably. I hope you did better with Anna’s husband.”

“Nah, she got married first and then told the rest of us. Never had the chance.”

“Your other sister?”

“We don’t really talk.”

“So this was like your only chance? Damn.”

Gabriel bit his lip and nodded. He looked at the mugs and tried to figure out how he was going to carry them all.

“Let me help. Which one’s Cas’?”

Gabriel handed Castiel’s tea to Dean.

“Tell you what, Gabe. You work on that speech and lay it on me next time I see you.”

“You’re on.”

 

A few moments later Dean and Gabriel emerged from the kitchen carrying mugs of coffee and tea. Dean sat next to Cas and gave him a smile and his tea.

“Pie’s in the oven. I’ll throw the beef in once that’s finished.”

“It smells amazing,” Cas smiled back. They leaned in for a short kiss.

Gabriel cleared his throat. Dean and Cas looked up at him questioningly.

“The giant is in my seat,” he pouted.

“Then sit in the chair.” Cas said with annoyance.

“But…”

“Gabe.”

“...I can move,” Sam said slowly.

“No, he’s just being a baby. Gabriel, take the chair.”

Gabriel sighed. “Fine.”

Cas shook his head again and threaded his fingers through Dean’s.

“Did you remember your allergy medicine?” he murmured

Dean nodded and slunk back into the couch. Then his eyes hit the television. “What the hell are we watching?”

Sam sat up and pointed the remote back at the tv, resuming his attempt to find something to watch. “Cas doesn’t have any movies

Castiel dipped his head and Gabriel barked out a laugh.

“You’re welcome to find something else you’d rather watch,” Cas said quietly.

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m sure Sam’ll find something decent to watch.” Dean turned to look at Sam. “None of that girly shit.”

“You know,” Sam teased, “Cas hasn’t ever seen Star Wars.”

Dean’s head whipped back around to Cas. “What? You’ve never... but... _what_? Well what about the other trilogies?”

Cas just stared at him, wide eyed.

“Indiana Jones? Back to the Future?”

“Technically,” Sam interjected, “Indiana Jones is four movies.”

“We are not having that argument right now.”

This time it was Sam’s turn to laugh.

“See Castiel, I told you,” Gabriel mocked.

“That’s alright,” Dean said, settling back onto the couch. “It just means we’re gonna have to watch lots of movies. I have a feeling you have a lot of catching up to do.” He put his arm around Cas and leaned into the man. Castiel tried not to think about how quickly he was getting comfortable around this near complete stranger.

 

***

The ride home from Cas’ was nearly silent. Dean played the radio loudly as he sped the few minutes to their destination. Once inside, though, all bets were off.

“Dean…” Sam started as he carried the bag of pots and pans into the kitchen.

Dean sighed behind him. “Come on, man. Just don’t, okay?”

“Dean, this is,” he continued anyway. “I mean, I’ve never seen you like that with someone else before.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Looked like they were going to do this. “Like what?”

“I don’t know, comfortable? I mean, even with Lisa you always had your guard up, ready to run the instant things went south.”

“If you remember, she kicked me out. I didn’t run.”

“Yeah, and you were packed and out of there in no time flat, like you already had an escape plan, you were just waiting for a reason. And I still don’t remember you ever taking her out on a date.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t getting any younger, you know? Maybe I’m sick of the run around.”

“Dean, you’re only thirty. That’s hardly old.”

Dean threw his hands in the air. “I dont know then. There’s just something different about him, Sam. I don’t know what it is, but I like him, okay? Can we please just drop it?”

“Fine,” Sam said, defeated.

Dean opened the refrigerator door. “You wanna beer?”

“Sure.”

“I’m picking the movie this time.” He punched his brother in the arm on their way to the living room. “I can’t believe Cas doesn’t have any movies!”

“Hey, he’s your boyfriend, not mine. Don’t complain to me.”

Dean gave a small, thoughtful chuckle into his beer. _Boyfriend_.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning Castiel dropped his brother off at the airport with a hug and a bit of sadness. As much as his brother drove him crazy he loved and missed him. It was nice having someone else in the house to talk to instead of wandering around talking to himself, going through the motions of each day just to get to the next. Having Thalia is just a slight change to his routine and Dean hasn’t been in his life long enough to have a real impact. Gabriel promised to visit again soon, but his work keeps him busy, so there was no telling when that would be.

When Castiel got home he made another pot of coffee, because Gabe insists at flying at the most ridiculous hours, and sat in front of his computer, Thalia curled up at his feet. His phone buzzed and he realized he’d been typing for hours and missed lunch. He stood up and looked at the text from Dean.

_Dean: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?_

Fear shot through him before he even thought about what Dean was really asking.

_Cas: I have no plans._

_Dean: Wanna come to our aunt Ellen’s with me and Sam?_

His insides turned cold. A family dinner? He was under the impression that all of Dean’s family, except for Sam, was gone. It would be impolite to decline, though, especially since he already admitted to being free.

_Cas: Are you sure I wouldn’t be imposing?_

_Dean: Nah, a bunch of us get together. Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Charlie, Benny. It’s kind of an all day thing, but you can show up whenever_

_Dean: Or I can pick you up_

_Cas: Whatever you think is best._

Dean had a hard time getting a read off of Cas via text. He couldn’t tell if he actually wanted to go to Thanksgiving or if he was just being polite. Maybe it’d be easier face to face.

_Dean: Do you want to get some coffee or something?_

_Cas: That would be nice._

_Dean: Meet me at our bench in fifteen?_

_Cas: I have to shower. Half an hour?_

_Dean: Perfect. See you there_

Dean had been considering asking Cas to Thanksgiving since Sam called him his boyfriend. That’s kinda a big deal. And if Ellen found out he was seeing someone and he didn’t invite him he’d never hear the end of it. Thing is, Cas is nervous around people, and he didn’t want to put him in a situation that made him uncomfortable.

Cas was already at the bench when Dean arrived. He was obviously stressed out and Dean was automatically kicking himself for putting him through this.

“Hey,” Dean says, sitting next to Cas and handed him his drink.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel responded.

Dean leaned in for a kiss and Cas gave him a peck.

“Everything okay?” Dean asked as he pulled back.

Castiel noded although his body language said differently. He was leaning forward, almost curled in on himself, gripping the steaming cup, and staring at the ground.

“Dude,” Dean laid a hand on his shoulder. “If you don’t want to come to Thanksgiving you don’t have to.”

Cas looked up at Dean but didn’t change his position. “I want to.”

“But?”

The worry on Dean’s face made his heart ache. Cas sat up and curled his legs onto the bench, leaning against Dean. “What should I wear?”

Dean put his arm around Cas. “Whatever you want. This isn’t a formal thing. It’s just food.”

Cas nodded and laid his head against Dean’s chest.

“Dude, are you sure you’re okay?”

Castiel took a breath and nodded again. “Tell me about your family.”

It was obvious to Dean that Cas was still uncomfortable about the whole thing. He explained about how his dad wasn’t always fit for parenting and he and Sam would often stay at Bobby’s or Ellen’s when it wasn’t necessarily safe to be at home. Jo, Ellen’s daughter, was practically a little sister and they all grew up together. He told Cas about how Charlie was his best friend and the first person he came out to. She was there to listen when he felt like he couldn’t talk to anyone else and always had advice or a slap on the head for him. He talked about how Benny was a transplant from New Orleans and how he’d saved Dean’s ass when he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut, far too often to count. None of them had family in the area, so they became each other’s family, usually gathering at Ellen’s for holidays and birthdays.

Castiel tried to take in every detail and get a feel for these people, but he had a hard time knowing anyone he hadn’t actually met. He knew he wouldn’t retain all the information Dean was offering. If he were at home, texting or even talking to Dean on the phone he might have taken notes. His memory wasn’t the best. But Dean didn’t know this. He tried not to get distracted, keep his eyes and mind focused. He was so used to relying on his reflexes to nod and respond at the appropriate times. He tried his hardest, but he still only retained a few basic details from Dean’s anecdotes.

“They’re gonna love you Cas. Don’t sweat it.”

Cas responded by pulling Dean down into a kiss. After a moment Dean pulled back, smiling. It seemed like he was always smiling around Cas.

“What?” asked Cas.

Dean shook his head. He didn’t have the words. “Nothing. What’re you doing Wednesday night?”

“Eventually you’ll realize that I don’t do anything,” Cas chuckled.

“Well I don’t know if you have a writing schedule or something.”

“I usually write in the mornings after I wake up. My nights are generally free.”

“Well why don’t you stop by the shop Wednesday night. I wanna introduce you to everybody.”

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Oh. Um, okay.”

Or maybe that was too much. “Unless you don’t want to?”

“No, no. I do,” Cas nodded. “I do.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Yes. I really do. I’d like to meet your friends.” It wasn’t a lie. Cas wanted to be more involved in Dean’s life, but the idea of going to a store full of people whose attention would be on him as the newcomer into the group was terrifying. Dean wanted him to do this, though, and he wanted to do it for him.

“Okay.” Dean looked at his watch and sighed. “I should probably go get ready for work.”

“Okay.”

“See you Wednesday?”

“Absolutely.”

Dean walked Cas back to his car and headed home.

 

Wednesday night came and Dean was excited. And nervous. He was about to come out to all his friends and introduce them to the man he… really liked.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Sam told him. “If anybody gives you shit about it then they don’t deserve to be your friend.”

Dean started making gagging noises.

“And I’ll kick their ass. Or Charlie will.”

“Oh man, now I’m actually hoping somebody says something. I’d love to see that girl go to town on some homophobic bastard.”

Sam laughed. “It’s gonna be fine,” he repeated. “What time is Cas gonna be here?”

“We didn’t set an exact time. Whenever he’s comfortable enough, I guess.”

“He is a bit nervous, isn’t he?”

Dean nodded. “I worry about him sometimes.”

“Now I think _I’m_ gonna be sick.”

 

***

 

Cas was a wreck. He was dressed and ready to go, but he couldn’t stop shaking. His stomach was fluttering and his heart was pounding. He felt dizzy and cold, but couldn’t stop sweating. He kept trying to convince himself he could do this. When the time came to leave the house he texted Dean.

_Cas: I’m not feeling well. I won’t be able to make it tonight. I’m sorry._

_Dean: Are you okay? Do you need me to stop by?_

_Cas: I’ll be fine. I just need to get some rest. I’m sorry._

_Dean: It’s cool, man. Let me know if you need anything_

_Cas: I will._

Castiel went to his office and opened the liquor cabinet. He pulled out the tequila and considered the shot glasses but decided to just take the bottle. He settled on the couch in the living room and turned on the television. Thalia curled up around his feet as he flipped through the channels and took a drink from the bottle.

 

***

 

“He’s not coming,” Dean said to Sam.

“Is he alright?”

“I guess so. He says he’s sick. I’ll check in on him in a little while.”

“Who are you? What have you done with my brother?”

Dean punched his giant little brother in the arm. Lovingly, of course.

By midnight Dean was practically dancing, worrying about Cas. He told himself that Cas was just not feeling well, like he said, and was fine. But his brain wouldn’t listen.

“Dude,” Sam interrupted his thoughts. “Call him, or go check on him, or _something_.”

“What?”

“You’re obviously worried about him and you’re not having a good time so go check on your boyfriend. I can handle stuff here.”

“He’s a big boy, Sammy. I’m sure he’s fine.” Dean wasn’t sure who he was trying harder to convince.

 

The next day he decided to go check on Cas. It took him everything he had to wait until the afternoon, when he knew Cas would be up. Cas was not a morning person. He got in the Impala and drove the short distance to Cas’ house. He could see that the television was on in the living room, so he must have been up. Dean knocked on the door.

Nothing.

Dean knocked again, a little harder.

Still nothing.

Dean pounded on the door and there was still no response. His stomach turned. What if something happened? He tried the door knob but it was locked. He pounded again and started shouting.

Cas stood up to answer the door but by the time he made it his stomach was turning so violently that he barely unlocked it and turned the handle before he was rushing off to the bathroom. Dean ran after him. He stopped in the doorway while Cas leaned over the toilet, ridding himself of half a bottle of tequila. Dean waited until he finished and then helped him to bed. He left Cas lying on his side and came back a moment later with a bowl, a glass of water, and some aspirin.

“You know,” he said as he pulled off Cas’ pants, “if you didn’t want to come last night you could have just said. Didn’t have to drink yourself sick.” He sat on the edge of the bed.

Castiel groaned and put a hand over his eyes. “I really did want to come. I just… couldn’t.”

“Why? What happened?” Dean started carding his fingers through Cas’ hair. Cas just shook his head and curled up.

“Talk to me, man.”

“I just started to panic. I was all set to go but I froze. I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.”

Dean kicked off his shoes and laid behind Cas, being careful not to lay his hand over the other man’s stomach.

“It’s cool. When you’re up to it. Or we can do smaller groups or whatever you’re comfortable with. I understand if you don’t want to do Thanksgiving.”

Castiel threaded his fingers through Dean’s and pulled his hand up to his chest. “I do, but…”

Dean quietly waited for him to finish.

“If you come pick me up it’ll be easier. I don’t know why, but it will.”

Dean kissed the back of his neck. “What time?”

“Whatever is best for you.”

“I’ll pick you up around one. Does that work for you?”

Cas nodded and gripped Dean’s hand tighter.

“Okay,” Dean whispered. “Get some sleep, babe. I’m not going anywhere.

 

Dean waited until Cas was asleep and then he slipped out of the bed. First thing he did was clean up the bathroom. There was always splashback when someone threw up. He’d had to clean up much worse from his dad.

Next he straightened up the living room. There wasn’t much damage there but the bottle needed to be put back and the cushions on the couch needed some straightening.

Once all that was settled he went to the kitchen. Cas was going to be hungry when he woke up. He opened the fridge to see what he had to work with. Unfortunately it was practically empty. That was fine, though. It meant he could make whatever he wanted. He just needed to get ingredients. He texted Gabriel.

_Dean: What’s your brother’s favorite breakfast?_

He grabbed the keys to the Impala when he realized that Cas might wake up while he was gone. He’d promised him he wouldn’t go anywhere.

_Gabe: Why don’t you ask him yourself?_

_Dean: Because he drank himself sick last night and he’s sleeping it off_

_Gabe: What did you do?_

_Dean: I didn’t do anything!_

_Gabe: I swear to God if you hurt him_

Dean waited.

_Dean: What? Still haven’t come up with anything good?_

_Gabe: I’ll let loose a pack of howler monkeys in your store_

_Dean: That’s all you got? Really?_

_Gabe: I’m still working on it_

_Dean: Keep at it. You’ll get there_

_Gabe: Pancakes_

_Gabe: With honey_

_Dean: Awesome. Thanks_

_Gabe: You take good care of him. Don’t tell him I told you, but I actually care about the little brat_

_Dean: My lips are sealed. And I’ll do my best_

_Gabe: You better_

_Dean: Just keep working on your threats_

 

Next he called Sam.

“Dean, I’m working. What do you want?”

“Are you busy?”

“I just said I’m working.”

“Yeah, but don’t you just, like, sit around at a desk all day pushing paper?”

Sam sighed. “What do you need?”

“I need you to go to the grocery store for me.”

“Why can’t you go?”

“Because I told Cas I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“I thought he was a big boy.”

“Yeah, well, he’s sick. I’m taking care of him. Can you go or not?”

“Not. I’ve actually got a lot of work to do.”

“Dammit.”

“Maybe Charlie can make a run for you. Doesn’t she usually have Thursdays off?”

“True.”

“And, if Cas is still sick, I can watch the store tonight.”

Dean really loved his brother sometimes. “Did I ever tell you you’re awesome?”

“Not nearly enough.”

“Thanks Sammy.”

“No problem.”

 

Charlie was next.

“Hello?”

“Charlie! How’s my best friend in the whole world?”

“What do you need?”

“What?”

“Come on, Dean. Cut the cute and just tell me what you need. I’m bored anyway.”

Dean explained to her the situation and gave her a list for the grocery store.

“Did I ever tell you you’re adorable when you’re in-”

“Don’t you dare say it,” he cut her off.

“Fine. See you in a little bit, loverboy.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

 

Charlie showed up about an hour later and Dean let her in before she could knock.

“Cute little house he’s got here. Sure he won’t mind that I was here?”

Dean hadn’t thought about that. He forgot that Charlie was a stranger to Cas.

“You’re just dropping some stuff off. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“Okie dokie. Where do you want it?”

Dean showed her the way to the kitchen and paid her back for the groceries plus a little extra.

“So, when do I get to meet this guy who’s got you all wrapped around his little finger?”

“He’s coming to Thanksgiving.”

“Wow. You’re just gonna throw him in the deep end?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we’re a pretty rambunctious bunch, Dean. It’s a lot to take in.”

“Well he knows me and Sam already. And you’ll be good to him, won’t you? Help him out a little? I mean, you’re the most accepting person I know.” Dean was laying it on thick and tried his best attempt at the puppy eyes.

“Oh my god, stop. Yes, I’ll help you out, just, stop with the faces.”

“You’re a pal,” he said as he clapped her on the back. “I’d better get started.”

“Alright.” She headed for the door. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you.”

Dean smiled. Truth be told, he was happy for him too. “Thanks.”

 

Cas woke up and the first thing he saw with his blurry, crusty eyes was a full glass of water on his nightstand. He rolled onto his back and realized he was alone in the bed. Then he noticed sounds and smells coming from the kitchen. He sat up gradually and took a few breaths, waiting to see if the nausea was going to come back. When it didn’t he stood up slowly. His head didn’t hurt nearly as bad as he thought it would. He shuffled out to the kitchen and blinked at Dean at the stove. He pulled out a chair at the table and watched his _(boyfriend?)_ work. Dean heard the chair scrape across the stone floor and turned around.

“How ya feelin’, sweetheart?” He said with a smile and a wink.

“Better than I thought I would.” Cas ran his fingers through his hair. “What are you making?”

“Breakfast. Nothing’s better for a hangover than a big, greasy breakfast. I’ve got eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I thought you said you weren’t going anywhere. I know I didn’t have bacon or sausage in the house. If I did, I’m not sure they’re safe to eat.”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t leave. I called Charlie. She brought me what I needed. You didn’t have eggs either. Or milk. You really need to go grocery shopping more often if I’m gonna be spending more time here.”

Castiel’s insides warmed and he couldn’t hold back a smile. Dean wants to spend more time with him. At his house. And cook him food.

“What?” Dean caught his expression.

“Nothing. You’re just adorable.”

“I am not! Why does everybody keep saying that? I’m very manly.” He wiped his hands on the apron he was wearing. It did look a little frilly, but that’s not his fault. He had to put something over his clothes. If everything went well he wouldn’t be leaving until tomorrow, and he didn’t have any other clothes at Cas’ house. It’s not his fault Charlie picked out the girliest apron she could find. He was going to have to have a talk with that girl.

“Anyway, Sammy’s watching the shop tonight, so you’re stuck with me until tomorrow afternoon. Unless you want me to leave sooner?”

“Mmm-mm,” Cas shook his head. “I like having you here, watching you cook for me.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean smiled, walking toward Castiel. “I plan on doing more than cook for you, just so you know.”

“I’m interested to find out what you have planned for me.”

“I bet you are. You’ll just have to wait until after breakfast.”

Cas glanced at the clock on the oven. “Isn’t it more like dinner?”

“It’s breakfast food and you just woke up. Sounds like breakfast to me.”

Castiel hummed as he watched Dean go back to the stove. Dean put a little more strut into it as he walked.

 

Despite the tightness in his stomach, Castiel ate a serving of each thing Dean made for him. He’d never had more delicious pancakes. Dean sat next to him and they shared honey-sweet kisses and entangled their feet. Occasionally a hand would drop to the other’s thigh and they’d smile and wink promises at each other. Once the meal was finished and the dishes in the sink Dean seemed intent on fulfilling those promises. They had made their way to the living room and he already had Cas’ shirt off and was working on his pants when Cas began, weakly, to protest.

“Dean,” he breathed. “I haven’t even showered today. I’m disgusting.”

“Neither have I.” Dean hooked his fingers under Cas’ waistband. “We can be disgusting together.”

Cas grabbed his wrists and sat up. He leaned forward for what was supposed to be a small, simple kiss, but as soon as their lips met he forced his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Dean was receiving some really mixed signals. But he knew what Cas really wanted. He pulled back from the kiss.

“Shower?” he asked Cas.

Castiel nodded.

They scrambled off the couch and headed toward the bathroom, discarding clothes along the way. Cas was the first one in and bent to turn on the shower. Dean grabbed a handful of his ass, which made him squeak. Dean chuckled and Castiel stood up and faced him, wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist and pulling him into the shower.

Cas’ back hit the wall and their mouths crashed together. He fumbled for the soap and began rubbing it all over Dean’s back, sliding his fingers between his cheeks. Dean let out a gasp and then started working on sucking and nipping at Cas’ neck, shoulders, and chest. Cas pushed him back and he almost stumbled over the edge of the bathtub and through the shower curtain, but Cas caught him. They both breathed out a laugh. He soaped up Dean’s front, paying special attention to his growing cock, and rinsed him off. He grabbed the shampoo and they washed their hair, exchanging quick little kisses as they massaged each other’s scalps.

They rinsed the suds out of their hair and it was Dean’s turn to wash Cas. He turned him around and soaped up his back. Then he pressed against him, reaching around and rubbing soap all over Cas’ chest. He spun the other man around and dropped to his knees.

He blinked up at Cas through the water beading on his eyelashes. “Bear with me. I’ve, uh, never done this before.”

A few thoughts flew through his head as he smiled down at Dean, beautiful and flushed, on his knees before him. He considered telling him that he was sure he was going to be amazing, but no one likes to be patronized. He thought to tell him to try his best, but he didn’t want to sound as though he just wanted Dean for sex. He almost started to say that they could slow down if he wanted to, that he didn’t have to do it if he wasn’t comfortable, but he selfishly closed his mouth, because he really wanted this. Instead he smiled and cupped Dean’s face before running his fingers through the gorgeous man’s hair.

Dean flashed a smile. _Just do it, Winchester!_ Dean opened his mouth and took Cas in. He had no idea what he was doing. Sure, he’d had his dick sucked plenty of times, but he never really thought about what goes into it.

Cas’ head hit the tile when he threw it back and gasped. Dean’s inexperience showed, but it wasn’t bad. He could feel him adjusting his jaw, trying to figure out what to do with his tongue, and being overly careful of his teeth. But his mouth was hot and wet, and when Dean started bobbing and sucking Castiel curled his toes.

Dean decided it actually wasn’t too bad, except for all the water running in his face. He felt like he was drowning. But Cas really seemed to be enjoying it. He kept at it until he couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled off and shook the water out of his face.

“I’m sorry, but this is awful,” he said, face dripping.

“Oh.” Castiel nodded. Blow jobs weren’t for everyone, he understood, but he was still a little disappointed.

“No, no, not this,” Dean gestured between himself and Cas’ dick. “I feel like I’m drowning down here with all the water in my face. Can we take this to the bedroom?”

Cas smiled and nodded, turning off the water as Dean stood. “You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.”

They barely dried off and tried not to obviously rush to the bedroom. Once they got through the doorway Dean grabbed Cas’ hips and steered him, backwards, to the bed and sat him down. He dropped to his knees and surrounded Cas’ cock with his mouth almost instantly. He was very enthusiastic. Cas would have laughed if he wasn’t so distracted. Dean’s head was bobbing quickly and he dug his fingers into Cas’ thighs. When he gagged Cas shuddered. He pulled back some and then started going at it with the same fervor again.

“Hey,” Cas said, running his fingers through Dean’s hair to get his attention. “Slow down, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean hummed in acknowledgement and Cas tightened his grip. Dean smiled around his dick but slowed down his pace. He pulled back and wrapped his hand around Cas, still using his mouth to lick and suck at the tip. Cas released his grip on Dean’s hair to stabilize himself on the bed.

“D-Dean,” he warned. “Fuck, Dean, I’m gonna come.”

Dean looked up at him through his eyelashes and slid him deeper into his mouth as Castiel went taught and then came into his mouth. Dean hummed as he pulled back and swallowed. He sat back on his feet.

“Was that okay?”

Cas laughed and flopped back onto the bed, making grabby hands toward Dean. Dean got up and got onto the bed. Then he grabbed Cas and dragged him the rest of the way up. They lay side by side, kissing lazily, until Cas had the energy to return the favor.


	6. Chapter 6

The next afternoon Cas was in his office, typing, Thalia sleeping in her bed by his feet when he heard Dean shuffle into the room. He put his hands on Cas’ shoulders and started massaging.

“How’s it going?”

“Fairly well, actually. Though I’m not sure how the publisher’s going to feel about our protagonist suddenly becoming bisexual.”

“I don’t see why who he sleeps with has anything to do with anything.”

“Mmm,” Cas smiled, tilting his head back for an awkward kiss.

“I can’t wait to read it.”

“You’ll have to wait until it’s published, just like everyone else.”

Dean pretended to pout. “Fine. Wanna go get lunch?”

“When I’m finished.”

“That’s fine. I should go home and change my clothes anyway. Meet you at our bench in an hour?”

“Can we make it two?” Cas asked as he continued to type.

“Sure thing, babe.” Dean kissed the top of his head. “I’ll leave you to it and see you in a couple hours. Don’t forget about me.”

Castiel stopped and turned in his chair to face him. “I will never forget about you, Dean Winchester.”

The intensity on Cas’ face hit Dean straight in the gut. If he didn’t know better he’d have thought that was… But it was impossible. Dean was neither capable nor worthy of _that_. Still, he could feel the blush flame his face. He dipped down for one more kiss. “See you later, Cas.”

“See you soon, Dean.”

 

When Dean got home he took a quick shower and put on some fresh clothes, which was nice because he’d been wearing the same thing for the last two days. Not that he’s actually been dressed that much, but still. He was still left with an hour before he had to meet Cas. Sam, of course, hadn’t left anything to do in the house. No dishes, no mess. Dean got bored quickly. If he didn’t find something to do soon he’d start thinking, and that never turned out well. He decided to visit Charlie.

He walked the couple blocks to the costume shop and she was there at the counter.

“What are you doing out and about?” she asked. “I thought you had spent the night at Cas’.”

“What? How did you..?”

“I stopped by the shop last night. Sam has a big mouth.”

“Who else did he tell?”

“No one. He’s not stupid. He’s not gonna out you.”

Dean nodded.

“So? Why are you here instead of making sweet gay love to your dreamy boyfriend?”

“I don’t know if boyfriend is the right word.”

“Yeah, okay. You still haven’t answered my question.”

“He was writing. I went home to shower. We’re supposed to be meeting for lunch in a little bit.”

“Uh huh.”

“I had some extra time so I thought I’d come visit you. Obviously this was the wrong decision.”

Charlie smiled. “I just wanted to make sure everything is okay. Believe it or not, but people actually care about you, Dean.”

”Yeah, okay.”

Charlie just shook her head. “So, how is everything going?”

“Good, I think. I mean, I’m not really an expert on dating, you know?”

“Well, did he seem annoyed that you were around?”

“No.”

“Did he ignore you at all?”

“No.”

“Did he call out someone else’s name during sex?”

“Charlie!”

“I’m just trying to help,” she said innocently.

Dean sighed. “No.”

“And he’s willingly meeting you for lunch?”

“Yeah.”

“It sounds like everything is going just fine.”

Dean chewed on his mouth for a moment. He was still thinking about what Cas had said to him. Well, more like the way he said it.

“What is it?” Charlie implored.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “How are you and Gilda?”

“Gilda and I are golden. I’m going to Seattle this Christmas to meet her family.” Charlie heaved a sigh. “It’s kinda a big step, you know?”

“That’s awesome, Charlie! Is she coming to Thanksgiving?”

“No, she’s going back home for that, too,” she said sadly.

“Well if you’re meeting her family she’s gonna have to meet yours sometime.”

Charlie nodded. “I mean, she’s already met you and Sam. That’s most important, right?”

“Well, obviously.”

Charlie smiled a sad smile.

“Bring her to New Year’s. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. I know you can be scary when you want to.”

“Maybe I will. Ellen’s doing the masquerade party again, isn’t she?”

“I don’t think we’ll ever get Ellen to give that up.”

Charlie nodded. “We’ll be there.”

“Awesome.” Dean looked at his watch. he had just under half an hour. “I should probably go and get the food. See you Tuesday?”

“Natch. Give that man a big kiss from me,” she winked.

“You know that doesn’t really make sense coming from you, right?”

“Just get!”

 

Dean stopped by a taco truck on his way to the lake. He got to their bench, still early, and set the bag next to him. Not five minutes later Joyce Bicklebee, a realtor who had been trying to buy the buildings on the block where Dean’s shop was, showed up.

“Dean! Fancy meeting you here!”

“What do you want?”

“Oh, Dean, you _know_ what I want. I just need to know what you want from me to make it a reality.”

“You’re not going to get me to sell, Joyce.”

“Look, I get it. That was your dad’s shop. You have a lot of memories there. But you can pack up those memories and move them somewhere more profitable! All I need-”

“All you need is for me to say ‘yes’ so you can tear down everything and build up something we don’t even need in this town.”

“But-”

“I told you before, and I’m telling you now. It’s not gonna happen. Have you gotten anyone else to sell?”

“No. They’re waiting to see what you do.”

“Well I ain’t selling.”

“You’re a sentimental fool. Think of the money. You could buy your brother his own firm.” She patted Dean’s cheek.

Dean pulled his face away. “I said no. Now get the fuck out of here. You’re never getting your hands on my property.”

“Oh, I’m sure I can figure out something.” She looked up past Dean and smiled. “Looks like you’ve got company, and he looks upset. Don’t tell me you’re playing for the other team now.”

Dean turned his head and saw Castiel walking toward them.

“That’s none of your fucking business,” Dean spat back.

“Hmm. You seem quite taken with him. It’d be a shame if something happened.”

“Are you threatening me?”

She laughed and strode away without looking back.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said cautiously. He wasn’t sure what he’d just witnessed but he didn’t like it.

“Hey,” Dean replied with an angry tone.

Castiel sat down. “Who was that?” he ventured.

“Joyce. She’s a realtor. She’s trying to buy up the block. She wants to tear everything down and put up… something. I stopped listening when she asked to buy the shop. She won’t give up though. She’s a royal bitch.”

“I see. Has anyone else sold?”

“Nah. We’ve got a tight little community here. She says they’re looking to me to make a decision. But I can’t decide for the whole town, I’m no leader. I’m just looking out for myself and Sammy. And I ain’t selling.” Dean ran his fingers through his hair.

Cas laid a hand on Dean’s thigh. “You’re making the right decision for you and your family.”

“Am I, though? Or am I just holding onto the shop for sentimental reasons?”

“Sometimes sentimental reasons are the best reasons.”

Dean looked into Cas’ eyes and smiled. “She did offer me a lot of money.”

“Money can rarely make up for lost memories.”

“You sound like you know from experience.”

“Maybe. Dean, I…” His mouth dried up and his vision blurred. He tried to blink things back into focus. He wanted to tell Dean about his past but he just wasn’t ready yet.

“Cas? You okay?”

Cas shook his thoughts away. “Yes, I’m just hungry.”

“Well,” Dean said, holding up a bag of containers. “I can help with that.”

 

***

 

“That bitch realtor came up to me yesterday while I was waiting for Cas,” Dean told Charlie on the phone the next day. It was still bothering him and he knew that if she was making the rounds she would have stopped in Charlie’s shop, too.

“Yeah, she came in about an hour after you left. She gives me the creeps.”

“What’d she say to you?”

“The usual. How we need to sell our stores to her so she could build a hospital or whatever. I told her we already have a hospital. She seems pretty shady.”

“Definitely. I wonder where her sidekick is.”

“I didn’t see him. You know what’s really weird, though? She started asking what we did for the holidays around here.”

“That is weird. What did you tell her?”

“Just that we all get together with family like normal people. I swear I could see the wheels turning in her head. Like she’d never experienced a human holiday before. Fucking weird.”

“Maybe she’s an alien.”

“You know aliens are really fairies, right?”

“Dude, I am not having this argument with you again.”

“So what did she say to you?” Charlie asked.

“She just kept badgering me to sell the shop. Said everyone was waiting for me to make a move.”

“Ugh.”

“Then she saw Cas.”

“Uh huh?”

“She said it’d be a shame if something happened. You don’t think she’d try something, do you?”

“Nah. Not unless she has a death wish.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, though he was still unsettled.

 

***

 

Dean let Castiel have his space for the weekend. He didn’t know if Cas needed space, but he didn’t want to over do it. They still texted every day, so it wasn’t like he was ignoring him. He just didn’t want to seem smothering, as Sam sometimes told him he could be. On Monday Cas invited him over for lunch. Of course, he agreed.

 _Dean: But I’m cooking_ he added.

_Cas: You don’t have to do that. I’m sure I can manage something._

_Dean: Don’t sweat it. I like cooking_

_Cas: Well I’m not going to twist your arm. I enjoy your cooking. :)_

Dean couldn’t hold back a smile. He’d only cooked for Cas a couple times, but the compliment went straight to his heart anyway. And so did the smiley face.

_Dean: I’ll be there soon_

_Cas: I look forward to it. ;)_

_Dean: Dude, did Gabe teach you how to make smileys or something??_

_Cas: Believe it or not, I am not inept at technology. >:(_

_Dean: Hahaha! See you soon, babe_

 

 

He stopped at the grocery store on the way to Cas’ and picked up a few things. Cas was opening the door before he even got all the way up to it.

“Hey, Cas. Excited to see me?”

Cas gripped the front of Dean’s jacket and growled. “Just get in here,” he pulled him over the threshold and kicked the door closed behind him. Once it clicked shut he shoved Dean against it. Cas got as close as he could with the bag of groceries between them.

“What is all this?” he demanded.

“Uh, I was gonna make lunch, remember?”

“It’s in the way.” Castiel pulled the bag from Dean’s hands and nearly dropped it on the floor next to them. Then he was right back in Dean’s space, tangling his fingers in his hair and slamming their mouths together.

“I missed you,” he mumbled against Dean’s lips. Dean just hummed as Cas’ hands found their way under his shirts. Dean finally got with the program and let Cas slide his jacket off his shoulders. He let it fall to the floor. He hooked his fingers through Cas’ belt loops and pulled him closer, deepening their kiss. Cas them mouthed his way across Dean’s jaw to his ear and Dean let out a low groan. His eyes slipped open slightly and landed on the bag at their feet.

“Cas,” he gasped.

Cas growled back and began working on Dean’s neck.

“Oh god,” Dean whispered. Then he remembered why he was there. Or, at least, why he thought he was invited over. He pushed Cas back slightly. Cas glared at him.

“I have to at least get the groceries in the fridge, babe.”

Castiel licked his lips and nodded. He snatched up the bag and headed to the kitchen. Dean followed. Castiel opened the door to the fridge and shoved the bag in. Then he turned back to Dean.

“Yeah,” Dean said, “you’re right. Sex first, then lunch.”

Cas smiled and nodded. Dean grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the bedroom. They took no time removing their clothes and climbing onto the bed. Cas seemed to be having a problem keeping his hands and mouth off of Dean. He wasn’t just kissing, he was sucking and nipping at him. He bit down on Dean’s shoulder.

“Damn, Cas,” Dean hissed.

“Sorry,” Cas mumbled and he kissed the bite mark and started tonguing it. Dean ran his fingers through Cas’ hair until he pulled back and looked him in the eye.

“Is everything okay?” Dean asked.

“I just really want you right now.” Cas whispered. “I missed you.”

Dean nodded. “Okay.” He cupped Cas’ face. “Okay. Tell me what you want.”

Cas smiled wickedly and slid down Dean’s body. He wrapped his mouth around Dean’s cock and swallowed it down, almost to the hilt. Dean flopped back onto the bed. Cas bobbed his head a few times, swirling his tongue at the tip, before pulling off. Dean tried not to whine. Cas had an amazing mouth.

Cas slid down a little more and spread Dean’s cheeks apart. Dean angled his hips to give Cas better access. This is something he’d always wanted to try, but he didn’t know how to ask for it. Castiel lapped at his hole and this time Dean did let out a pathetic whimper. It felt amazing. Then Cas started probing with his tongue. Dean’s hips gave a jerk and Cas laughed against him. Castiel continued poking his tongue in and out and Dean tried desperately to find something to grip. He ended up grasping the bedsheets at his sides and dug his heels into the mattress.

“Ffffff,” was all he could say.

Finally Cas stopped assaulting his hole and licked a stripe up, over his balls, and up his shaft, flicking his tongue at the tip of his leaking cock. He climbed back on top of Dean who instantly pulled him down into a kiss. They began rocking their hips together, sweat, saliva, and precum working as a lubricant. They kissed violently, gnashing their teeth, and it didn’t take long for Dean to come between them with a cry. Cas followed shortly after and collapsed on top of Dean.

“That was…” Dean panted.

“Yeah,” Cas agreed, rolling off of him. They stared at each other for a moment.

“You sure everything’s okay?” Dean asked.

Cas scooted as close as he could, tucking himself against Dean, his head laying on Dean’s shoulder.

“Yes,” he sighed. “I was just a little stressed.”

“You don’t masturbate?”

Cas chuckled. “I do, but this is better.”

“Well I’m not going to argue with you there.”

Cas hummed.

“You wanna tell me what you’re stressed about?”

“Nope.”

“Is it Thanksgiving?”

Cas remained silent. Dean slipped his arm under him and hugged him close.

“It’s going to be fine. They’re going to love you. But if you’re really that uncomfortable then you don’t have to go.”

Cas shook his head. “I want to go, I’m just nervous.”

“What are you nervous about?”

“I don’t know. I wish I did.”

Dean kissed the top of his head. “Well if you figure it out you let me know, okay? I’ll be here for you.”

Cas lifted his head up and looked Dean in the eye. “What if there is no reason?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what if I’m just nervous for no reason? I can’t really explain it.”

“I’m still here for you. Even when you’re not nervous.” Dean sat up and leaned back against the wall. “Look. I like you. Like, a lot. I like being around you. I like cooking for you. I like being jumped by you before I’ve even got in the door. I like when you’re all grumpy when you wake up. I like when you’re typing and you don’t seem to be paying attention to me but I know you really are. Your anxiety isn’t going to scare me away. If you ever need me I’m only a phone call or text away. Even if I have to close the shop.”

“You say that now-”

“Stop. I mean it. We’ve all got our baggage, Cas. I might not be able to carry it for you, but I can be here to support you.”

“Dean-”

“Don’t. I’m not gonna argue with you.” He leaned forward and kissed Cas on the forehead. “What I am gonna do is go cook us some lunch and then we’re gonna lay in bed for the rest of the afternoon until I have to go to work. Sound like a plan?”

Cas smiled. “Yes.”

“Okay. Sit tight, I’ll be back soon. Don’t fall asleep on me.”

“I won’t.”

Dean got up and pulled on a pair of Cas’ pajama pants. He flashed Cas a bright smile and headed toward the kitchen.

Cas flopped back down onto the bed. He did feel much better; sex usually did that for him. He hated it sometimes. Not the sex, but how it calmed him. It almost felt like another addiction, but one he was better at controlling. But for the first time in a long time he was actually having sex with someone he cared about. He smiled to himself. Dean was so amazing it was terrifying. He hoped it would never have to end.


	7. Chapter 7

It was Thanksgiving and Dean was like a kid on Christmas. This was his holiday. It was food and family and he didn’t need anything more than that. And this year he was going to have Cas there, too. First thing he did that morning was head over to Ellen’s to prep the turkey.

“Dean, you know I can manage,” Ellen said.

“Ellen, we have this argument every year. You know I’m not leaving this kitchen.”

Ellen chuckled. “Well, you know, it’s tradition for me to try to kick you out.”

“I know,” Dean smiled. He leaned over and kissed her on the temple. “Ellen?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m, um… I’m gonna bring someone.”

“Someone like a date?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re actually bringing a date to meet your family on what is, for you, the biggest day of the year?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Ellen beamed. “Well. Look at you finally all grown up. I can’t believe it.”

“Can’t believe what?” Jo’s voice came from the hallway.

“Dean is bringing a date to dinner.”

“What? Who is she? Anyone I know?”

“No,” Dean replied.

“Well she must be somethin’ special to get you to bring her to Thanksgiving!”

“It’s… not exactly a her.”

“It’s a guy? What, it’s not enough that you have every girl in town chasin’ after you but you gotta have all the men too?”

Dean shook his head and his face softened. “Just this one.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god! Dean Winchester are you in l-”

Dean pointed a finger at her. “Don’t.”

Jo let out a little squeal.

“Jo, why don’t you go get the living room ready. People’ll be arrivin’ in a couple hours.”

“But-”

“Joanna.”

“Fine.” Jo practically skipped away.

“And don’t you go hidin’ that game piece, neither! Play fair!” Ellen called after her daughter.

“Okay!” Jo called back.

“Dean?”

“Hm?” Dean was back to the turkey. His cheeks were pink and he had on a small, crooked smile. Ellen looked him up and down.

“I wanna meet this boy when you bring him.”

“Yes ma’am.”

 

Cas was going through his closet trying to find something to wear when Dean knocked at his door.

“I really should make you a key,” he said when he answered it, not thinking.

Dean swallowed. “Yeah?” They’d only known each other for four weeks. Dean had no idea if this was normal dating behavior or not, but it seemed a little soon. Not that he didn’t want it.

Then it hit Cas, the implications, the trust involved with that kind of decision. “Yes, I think so,” he smiled.

Dean smiled and kissed him. “You ready?”

“I still have to get dressed,” he said, gesturing at his oversized AC/DC shirt. “I’m not even sure where this came from.”

Dean laughed. “I’m pretty sure that’s mine.”

“Oh,” Cas blushed. “No wonder it’s so comfortable.”

“It looks great on you. You look great. Let’s go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Cas. Besides, it’s just family. No one dresses up.”

“Your experiences with family and mine are very different.”

“Yeah, well, that’s one of the perks of choosing your own. Come on.” He grabbed Cas by the wrist and tugged.

“At least let me put my boots on!”

 

They arrived at Ellen’s twenty minutes later. The house was warm and bustling with life. Dean dragged him into the living room where a few people were gathered on the floor in front of the fireplace, sitting on cushions and, very animatedly, playing a board game.

“Hey, guys!”

Everyone turned to look at Dean.

“Guys, this is Cas, my, uh,” he looked at Cas, wide-eyed, “boyfriend?”

Cas smiled, blushed and ducked his head. He gave a short wave. “Hello.”

“Cas, this is my family.” He gestured at each person as he named them. “Sammy you know. That’s his girlfriend, Jess. That’s Benny, and Charlie, Jo, and the grumpy old man sleeping in the chair there with the glass of bourbon is Bobby.”

Bobby grunted and saluted with his glass.

Dean grabbed Cas and tugged him toward the kitchen. They stopped before they entered. “Was that okay? That I called you my boyfriend? I didn’t know what else to say. I’m bad at labeling things.”

Cas kissed the panic from Dean. “It was very okay, Dean. I’m happy to be known as your boyfriend.”

Dean visibly relaxed and smiled, eyes crinkling. His kissed Cas again.

“Quit makin’ out out there and get in here and introduce us to your boy!” a voice called from the kitchen.

“That’ll be Ellen,” Dean murmured against Cas’ lips.

“She sounds a little scary.”

“More than a little.”

“We better get in there, then,” Cas said, bravely.

They stepped into the kitchen where two women were working at making dinner. It smelled amazing.

“Cas, this is Ellen and Jody. Sam thinks he’ll be the one to kill you if you hurt me, but he’ll have to stand in line behind these two terrifying women. Ladies, this is Cas. My boyfriend.” He said the last part with a huge grin.

“Ladies,” he stepped forward to shake their hands.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Castiel,” Ellen said, gripping his hand tightly and sizing him up.

“Pleasure,” Jody said with a nod and a quick shake.

“Now get back to work, Dean,” Ellen said. “Let the boy go play games with the others. You promised to help with dinner.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He gave Cas a quick kiss. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”

Cas made his way back to the living room and sat on the couch, watching the others finish a round of Clue.

“Want in on the next game, Cas?” Charlie asked. “We still need a Mrs. Peacock.”

Castiel nodded. “Okay.”

“It’s a shame you missed the yearly fight over Miss Scarlet, brother. It’s always a blast,” Benny chuckled. Jo punched him in the arm.

“One year we tried using three Scarlets,” Jess said. “But it just got too confusing.”

Cas nodded.

“It’s not our fault she’s the only hot chick in the game,” Charlie added.

“How do you decide?” Cas asked.

“It’s basically a scramble. One year Charlie showed up at six in the morning to claim her. The next year I took her to my room the night before. That’s when we had to make the rule that no one can claim her until we’re all here. Then we start at the front door and race in here. Whoever gets her first wins.”

“There’s scratching and hair pulling and yelling. It’s not pretty,” Sam shook his head. “One year I got in the way…”

“Oh are you still bitching about that?” Jo wailed.

“I still say I should have gotten stitches!”

“It was just a scratch,” Jess rolled her eyes.

“Why didn’t you just sue us, then, lawyer-man?” Charlie asked.

“Maybe I would have if I’d’ve know which of you did it!”

Benny laughed into his beer.

“So who won her this year?” Cas asked as he slid to the floor.

“The lovely Miss Jessica,” Benny presented.

Jess threw her fists into the air in victory.

Cas smiled. _So this is what family is supposed to be like_ , he mused.

 

***

“That’s a good lookin’ man you got there, Dean,” Jody said, sitting in one of the chairs in the kitchen.

“Don’t I know it,” Dean smiled as he put the green bean casserole into the oven.

“Is he smart?” Ellen asked from another chair. They claimed that they needed a break but Dean didn’t mind. He would have been happy to cook the whole meal himself.

“He’s really smart,” he remarked. “A writer.”

“Published?” Jody asked.

“Yup.”

“I don’t recognize his name from anything.” Ellen said.

“He uses a pseudonym.”

“Is he famous?” Ellen asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, kinda,” Dean knew it was better to just answer their questions than to fight them. And this way he might be saving Cas from interrogation.

“Gotta be careful of those famous types,” Jody remarked.

“He’s not like that.”

Ellen raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

Dean ground his teeth together. “Yes.”

“We’re just lookin’ out for you,” Jody defended.

“I’m thirty years old, ladies. I can take care of myself.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean we’re not gonna worry,”Ellen snapped.

“Besides, you obviously really care for him, Dean.” Jody tried, unsuccessfully, to defuse the situation.

“Well if that’s what you’re worried about you know damn well that I’m used to the people I care about leaving me. That’s the one thing I know how to handle.”

“Oh yeah, you handle it so well. Along with some help from the liquor store,” Ellen bit back.

Dean turned the boiling potatoes off. “You guys think you can handle the rest of this? I need a break.” He didn’t wait for an answer, just marched out the back door.

 

Everyone seemed way too willing to give their two cents about his and Cas’ relationship. He was getting tired of it already. It was fine when he asked for advice, from Charlie for instance, but he was a goddamn adult and he could do this on his own. Maybe it wasn’t what people expected, maybe they were shocked, but that was no reason for them to be butting into his life, his choices. It had never actually crossed his mind once that Cas might just be using him because he was a fan. He always seemed genuinely happy to see Dean, and he seemed more open than someone who was just acting. In fact, most times Dean forgot that Cas was actually his favorite author. This was just a normal relationship in his opinion. Sure, he’s got limited experience on what a normal relationship is, but he has actually had one or two. Hell, he was with Lisa for a year before she gave him the boot. He hadn’t even done anything wrong as far as he could tell, but she said he was a different person after Sam came home from college. Sure, he was spending more time away from her and Ben and more time with his brother, but he hadn’t seen him in what felt like forever…

Dean realized his mind had gotten off track and he started to be mad about something completely unrelated to the situation at hand. Actually, he wasn’t even mad about Lisa anymore. His eyes actually widened as it hit him. He’s wasn’t sure he was really that upset when she let him go. But, thinking about it, he would be absolutely crushed if Cas told him to leave. It hurt just to think about. So, yeah, maybe Ellen and Jody had been right. He really did care a lot for Cas. But he was fairly certain that Cas cared for him equally. He didn’t need two moms to be suspicious of his boyfriend. They didn’t know him. Hadn’t even seen them together, not really. Although, no one really had except their brothers. And Charlie that first day, but that didn’t really count. It didn’t matter, though. It wasn’t their relationship and therefore not their business.

After walking around the yard a little while longer and adopting an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, he walked back into the kitchen where he found Ellen and Jody working away on finishing dinner.

“Dean,” Jody started. He just raised his eyebrows at them. “Look, maybe we were a little overbearing.”

Ellen grunted. She obviously didn’t completely agree.

“We’ll back off,” Jody said. “You just be careful. We helped raise you, we have a right to look out for your best interests.”

Dean tried not to let her words agitate him. In his opinion they only had a right to mind their own fucking business. He nodded and went toward the stove.

“Nuh uh,” Ellen stopped him. “You go play with the rest of the kids. Keep your boy company. We’ll finish this.”

Dean didn’t say anything, just walked out to the living room to find that they had changed games. Someone must have killed at Clue, which was a shame, because that was his job. He sat down between Jo and Cas.

“Risk, huh?”

“Yeah, Cas hit the three and flee rule so we had to switch,” Charlie admitted. “Now he’s kicking our asses at this, too. Are you sure he’s a writer and not some kind of soldier? He’s as good as you are.”

Jo punched Dean in the shoulder.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Why didn’t you tell us you were dating James Novak?”

“I didn’t know it was public knowledge!”

Jess giggled. “That’s what you get for expecting Sam to keep a secret. You should know better than that.”

Dean glared at Sam, who put his hands up defensively. “I didn’t know it was a big secret!”

“It’s fine, Dean,” Cas interjected. “This is your family. They have a right to know.”

“Sure?”

Cas smiled and nodded.

“So did Dean totally freak out?” Charlie asked. “He’s a total fanboy. Whenever a new book comes out he stays up all night reading it and then tells me all about it the next day. Dude’s obsessed. I bet he squealed when you told him, didn’t he?”

Cas grinned. “He might have squealed a little bit.”

“I did not!” Dean squealed. Everyone laughed.

“No,” Cas said, still chuckling and laying a hand on Dean’s thigh. “Both he and Sam have assured me that he’s not some crazy fanboy.”

“They were just saving face,” Benny jumped in. “Anytime this man starts quoting things that I don’t recognize I figure it must be from one of your books.”

Dean stared at Benny, mouth agape. He was beginning to feel betrayed.

“You should see how worn his books are,” Jo added.

That was enough. First Ellen and Jody and now his very closest friends. Why couldn’t his family be happy for him? Dean stood up and left the room, stomping his way up the stairs.

“Oops.” Charlie murmured.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Cas said, standing up.

Sam grabbed his arm. “It’s best to just let him be when he’s in a mood like this, Cas.”

Cas shook his head. “I think this is something that needs addressed.”

Dean made his way to his and Sam’s old bedroom and flopped down on one of the beds. He was just beginning to relax in the dark and quiet when Cas called for him.

“What?” Dean growled, and then instantly regretted it. It wasn’t Cas that he was mad at. He sat up and waited for Cas to come in.

Cas entered the room like a man approaching a vicious animal. He took a seat next to him but remained silent.

“I’m not some crazy stalker,” Dean said finally.

“I know.”

“I can’t help it that I was a fan of your books before I met you…”

“There’s no accounting for good taste,” Cas smiled.

Dean turned his head to look at Cas.

“I liked you before I knew who you were. It’s not like I give hot chocolate to all my customers.”

Cas cupped the side of Dean’s face with one hand.

“I wanted you from the moment I saw you, Dean,” he whispered. “Your being a fan wasn’t going to detract from that.”

Dean gave a half smile and leaned in for a kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead on Cas’. “You’re not freaked out?”

“No,” Cas pecked him on the lips. “But if your books are in as bad shape as Jo suggests maybe I should get you a new set. All first editions, signed by the author.” He winked.

“Mmm,” Dean pushed Cas back onto the bed. “You spoil me.” He bent down to kiss Cas again. Just as he was forcing his tongue down Cas’ throat there was a knock at the door frame.

“Ellen says you know better, Dean Winchester,” Jody said with a smirk.

“How does she do that?”

Jody just shrugged.

Cas stopped Dean on their way down the stairs.

“You know I’m not dating you because you’re a fan, right?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, Cas, I know.”

Cas nodded. “Good.”

With Dean’s help Cas destroyed his new friends at Risk. Sam suggested Monopoly and received groans and whines in reply. They were still discussing what game to play when Ellen announced that dinner was ready.

 

After dinner was eaten and the dishes were cleaned they all sat around the table drinking and playing cards. They switched games every hour or so, from poker to euchre, gin to war. Everyone there was elated to find out that Cas was a terrible poker player, but Dean promised to give him private lessons. That earned him a smack on the head from Ellen, although she was laughing. Cas heard stories from everyone. He found out that Charlie spent the holiday’s at the Harvelle’s because her family was gone. Benny joined them because when he lost the love of his life, Andrea, he swore he was never going back to New Orleans. When Ellen had finished telling embarrassing stories about Sam and Dean and the few years they lived under her roof, Sam stood up from the table.

“Um, I have something to say…”

All eyes were already on the giant at the end of the table, all mouths closed. He looked at Jess, who was smiling up at him, and dropped to his knee, taking her hand.

“I’ve run through about a million speeches in my mind trying to find the words to describe what you mean to me but none do justice to my love for you. So I’m just going to ask.” He pulled a small box from his pocket. “Jess, will you marry me?”

Jess, of course said “Yes,” once she could speak. Under the table Cas felt Dean squeeze his hand a little tighter.

 

Dean was only supposed to drop Cas off but since Sam was staying with Jess that evening Cas suggested he stay over so he wouldn’t have to be all alone. Any excuse, really. When they got inside Cas made them each a cup of hot chocolate. They sat in the chair in front of the fireplace in the dark exchanging slow, sensual kisses. Castiel twisted around in Dean’s lap and straddled him. He slid his hands under Dean’s shirt and started rocking his hips. Dean groaned into a kiss and bucked up. He lifted his arms so Cas could pull his shirt off. Dean wrapped his fingers around the hem of the Cas’ shirt.

“Have I told you how good you look in my clothes?”

Cas hummed. “Only four or five times today.”

Dean pulled the shirt up but not off, leaving Cas with his face covered and arms up. He leaned forward and took one of Cas’ nipples into his mouth. Cas gasped and arched his back. He pulled the shirt off so he could watch. He ran his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“Dean,” he gasped.

Dean pulled off and looked up at Cas, his emerald eyes sparkling in the firelight. Castiel was overwhelmed with how beautiful he looked.

“God, Dean,” he whispered. He dove down and slammed their mouths together. He slid off of Dean’s lap to the floor, kissing his way down his chest. He opened Dean’s pants and pulled out his cock. He nuzzled it, looking up at Dean through his dark lashes. Then he wrapped his mouth around it and started bobbing his head, sucking and licking at all the right places.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean gasped. He leaned back in the chair and ran his fingers through Cas’ hair.

Cas pulled off and removed Dean’s pants. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s legs and slid him down until his ass was hanging off the chair. He spread Dean’s cheeks and began tonguing at his hole.

“Ah!” Dean grabbed the arms of the chair and his legs began to shake. Castiel poked his pointed tongue into Dean and he gasped and shuddered. Cas pulled his tongue out and licked a stripe up, over Dean’s balls and back to his cock, wrapping his mouth around the head. He hummed and started bobbing his head again. After a few more minutes of Cas’ exquisite blow job Dean came with a short cry. Dean let his head fall back as Cas swallowed him down.

“Jesus Christ, Cas. That was, without a doubt, the most amazing blowjob I have ever had the pleasure of receiving.”


	8. Chapter 8

Dean and Cas were awakened by Dean’s phone going off at three in the morning.

“What?” Dean croaked into the receiver. “ _What_? What do you mean it’s gone? I’m on my way.”

Cas sat up and watched Dean frantically pull his clothes on. “Dean, what is it?”

“The shop burned down.”

 

They pulled up in front of what was left of the record shop ten minutes later. The car was barely parked when Dean jumped out. It was a smoking ruin. Firefighters were still spraying water on what was left.

“What happened?” Dean asked the fire chief, Rufus.

“We won’t know until someone can get in there and look around but,” Rufus took a breath. “We think it might me arson. One of the windows was broken inward. I doubt any burglars could have accidentally set a fire while scooping up records.”

Dean put his hands in his hair and looked at where his dad’s record shop used to be. He started shaking. Cas laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want me to call Sam?”

Dean shook his head. “No… No I’ll just text him. Tell him not to go home in the morning. Since there’s no home to go to.” Dean let out a tired sigh. Jody showed up a moment later.

“Dean,” She said kindly, “I have to ask you some questions.”

“Yeah, okay, Jody.”

“That’s Sheriff Mills while I’m working, hon.”

He nodded and followed her to her car.

“Do you have any idea who might have done this?”

Dean shook his head. He was still in shock. “I don’t… Why would somebody do this, Jody?”

The sheriff’s face softened. “I don’t know, kiddo, but we’ll find ‘em.”

 

“Is there anything left?” Cas asked Rufus.

“Not that we can tell, but, like I said, we won’t know nothin’ til we can look around in there.”

Cas nodded.

“Who are you, if you don’t mind me askin’?”

“Oh. I’m Castiel. I’m Dean’s um…”

Rufus nodded. “I get ya.”

They spent the remainder of time in silence until Dean returned. He walked up to Cas and, without saying a word, handed him the keys to the Impala. Castiel raised his eyes at him but thought better of asking questions. They drove home with only the sound of the radio.

 

When they got inside Dean slumped on the couch.

“Would you like some coffee or something?”

“What do ya got in the liquor cabinet?”

Cas walked to his office and came back with a bottle of scotch and two tumblers. He poured each of them a drink.

They sat for a few minutes, quietly drinking, before Dean said something.

“What am I gonna do. Cas? It’s all gone. Everything. My job, my home. Everything I owned.”

Cas thought for a moment before he was struck with a crazy idea. There was no way Dean would go for it.

“Move in here.”

“What?”

“I have a spare room and I can clean out the office if you’re uncomfortable staying in my room with me. I have plenty of space.”

“Why would I need two rooms?”

“Well, one would be for Sam.”

Dean looked at him. “We can’t just mooch off of you. I can’t put you out like that.”

“You wouldn’t be putting me out. It actually gets quite lonely here by myself all the time. You’d be doing me a favor.”

“We’d still have to find a way to pay you. I mean, Sammy’s got a job, but I’ve got nothing, Cas. Not a damn thing.” He sighed and put his head in his hands. Cas put an arm around his shoulders and kissed him on the temple. Dean tilted his head to look up at him.

“I’m sure I could think of something,” Cas winked.

Dean gave him a slight smile. “Cute. But I’m serious.”

“Dean, you don’t strike me as the kind of person who can go for long without working. Until you find something you can repay me by… I don’t know, cooking for me or something.”

“Oh, that was gonna happen anyway. I’m not letting you back near that stove.”

“You’ve never even had my cooking!”

“I’ve heard stories.”

“What? From who?”

Dean shrugged. “Gabriel.”

“When?”

“Never mind when. I’ll be doing the cooking. I’ll call Bobby in the morning and see if he’ll let me work at the shop for a while until the insurance kicks in and I can get the shop put back together again. Sam and I will both be paying you rent.”

“Is that a yes?”

Dean pulled Cas back against him and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Yeah. And I don’t need my own room. It’s not like I have anything to move in there anyway. But the cat can’t sleep with us anymore if you want me to be able to breathe.”

As if on cue, Thalia jumped up on the back of the couch. “Mew.”

“Sorry, Thalia. You heard the man. Maybe Sam’ll let you sleep with him.”

 

Dean woke up on the couch with Cas on top of him. He reached over to the coffee table to grab his phone and check the time. It was ten til seven. He’d better call Sammy before he tried to go home. Or, rather, what was left of it.

He tried to scoot out from under Cas without waking him, but to no avail. Cas blinked at him sleepily.

“Sorry,” Dean whispered.

“What time is it?” Cas asked, moving off of him.

“Like, seven?”

“Please tell me we’re only relocating to the bed.”

Dean’s chest warmed with affection. Grumpy morning Cas was one of his favorites. He kissed him on the forehead.

“You go ahead, but I gotta call Sammy.”

“Mmm. Not worth it then.” Cas grumbled as Dean dialed his brother. “I’ll get the coffee started. But don’t think I’m going to be making a habit of waking up this early.”

Dean chuckled, watching him shuffle toward the kitchen.

“Why are you laughing at me already?” Sam’s tired voice came through the phone.

“I wasn’t laughing at you. Are you still at Jess’?”

“Yeah, why?”

“When you leave come straight to Cas’, okay?”

“Why?”

“Just, I need to talk to you.”

“You’re talking to me now.”

“You know I hate having long conversations on the phone. Just come over here so we can have a discussion.”

“Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”

Cas wandered in and started poking at the fireplace. Then he shuffled off toward the bedroom.

“No, Sam, just come over and I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Well can I at least go home and change my clothes first?”

“No, you can’t go home first.”

“Well why the hell not?”

“Because it’s fucking not there anymore!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Just get over here.”

Dean hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen. The coffee was finished so Dean pulled down two mugs and poured some for each of them. He had to admit, it felt pretty easy making himself at home in Cas’ house.

Cas walked in still bleary-eyed and wearing a pair of old-man slippers. Dean decided not to antagonize the poor man. He handed him his coffee.

“Sam’s on his way.”

Cas nodded and wandered back into the living room to sit in front of the fire.

“Not that I wish you had, but why the hell didn’t you move somewhere warmer if you hate the cold this much.” He sat next to Cas and wrapped his arm around him.

“I figured the cold would keep me focused. Even less ambition to leave the house this way.”

If Cas needed focus, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for them to move in. “You sure you’re okay with us staying here for a while?”

“Absolutely.”

 

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door. Dean answered it, finding Sam and Jess on the other side. Sam stormed in.

“So what’s all this about our home not being there?”

Dean relayed everything that happened the night before, including Cas’ offer for them to stay with them.

“You sure you’re okay with us staying here, Cas?” Sam asked.

“Yes, definitely. I was going to get Dean a key made anyway, I’ll go out and get you both one today.”

“You can’t go out today!” Dean exclaimed. “It’s black Friday. All the crazies are out there.”

“I’ll go this afternoon. They’ll all be done by then.”

“Well, at least we don’t actually have to move anything,” said Sam.

That’s when Dean realized. “Fuck,” he groaned. “We don’t have any clothes.”

“Well then,” Jess grinned. “Maybe we should join the crowds and get while the gettin’s good.”

 

Somehow Jess convinced them that going to the mall was their best option, saying that since the parking lot was bigger, they’d have a better chance of finding a space. That was not the case. They drove around the mall for about thirty minutes before finding one on the outskirts. They stepped out into the drizzle that had been hanging around all morning and made their way into the building.

As soon as they stepped in it was hot and crowded. Cas’ breathing began to shallow and his nerves felt raw. Dean, who seemed just as unhappy to be there, although for different reasons, slid their hands together. Cas gripped it and clenched his teeth. Sam and Jess looked like they were having the time of their lives.

“Can we just get this over with?” Dean grumbled as he tried to trudge toward one of the department stores. Cas followed along, hand still clinging to Dean’s.

“God, I hate shopping,” Dean remarked as they entered the store. Employees were standing at the entrance handing out flyers and coupons. Dean rushed past them, heading for the men’s section. He found the flannel shirts and picked up three. Then he made his way to the jeans and grabbed a pair in his size. He snagged a pack each of underwear and socks.

“There. All Done.”

“Dean, you need more than three shirts and a pair of jeans.”

“This’ll do for now, Cas.”

“We might as well just buy everything you need while we’re here. Then you don’t have to worry about going out later. No more shopping.”

Dean looked at Cas, licked his lips, and sighed. “This is really all I can get right now.”

“Well let me-”

“No. You’re already sharing your house with us. I can’t let you buy all my stuff, too.”

“If it means that much to you, you can pay me back. But I see no reason not to just get it all out of the way while we’re here.”

“I have no idea when I’d be able to-”

“An early Christmas present, then. If you don’t help me then I will pick out everything myself and you’ll have to deal with what I get. Besides, we can’t leave until Sam and Jess are done, and who knows how long that will be. They both looked rather excited at the prospect of shopping on Black Friday.”

“Fine,” Dean conceded. “But nothing too expensive.”

“We’ll see,” Cas smirked.

Cas picked out some sweaters and a nice pair of slacks, a few more pairs of jeans, and some plain t-shirts all while listening to Dean lament about his lost vintage band shirts. He agreed to take him to Goodwil and Salvation Army later in the week and see if they couldn’t replace them. Then he dragged him over to the shoes and bought him a pair of casual dress shoes “because you’ll have to go to court for the fire,” and a pair of sneakers. He tried to convince Dean to let him buy a new pair of boots as well, but he had reached his limit.

“I think maybe you like shopping more than you let on, Cas.”

“It helps to have something to focus on. I don’t notice that I’m surrounded by angry, uncomfortable people and feel less like I’m in their way.” Cas started to shake but he wasn’t sure if it was visible.

“Well if anyone accuses you of being in their way I’ll fucking punch them. You have as much a right to shop here as anyone else.”

“I don’t want to start a scene.” Cas started scratching at his neck.

Dean put his hands on Cas’ shoulders. “Babe, look at me.”

He looked up into Dean’s eyes.

“Deep breath.”

Cas took a breath.

“Why don’t we pay for this stuff and get the hell out of here? Or better yet, we can just leave it.”

“We just spent all this time shopping. We are not going to ‘just leave it’.”

“Alright, well, lets get in line.”

It miraculously only took them half an hour to check out. Once they made it out of the store they headed for the first exit. It was still drizzling outside, but the misty rain and cool air felt amazing after being stuck in a stuffy store for an hour. Cas felt like he could breathe again.

“Hey,” Dean rubbed a hand up and down Cas’ back. “If you have such a hard time with crowds then why’d you come? Not that I’m not glad as fuck that you did. Just, if it makes you uncomfortable, why deal with it?”

“Because I know it’s ridiculous. It’s just this… anxiety. I hate it. I know most of the feelings I get are irrational, but I can’t make them go away. So then I get this crazy idea that if I just force myself to so normal things that maybe eventually I’ll get better. Or used to it anyway. But it never works. In fact, I’m afraid it’s getting worse. I don’t want to be a recluse. I want to be able to go out and enjoy myself, not sit in a corner and wait for the party to be over or for whoever I’m with to be ready to leave. I want to be able to mingle, and join in conversations when I have something to say instead of waiting for my turn to speak. Because by the time that opportunity arises the conversation has already taken a turn and my point is no longer relevant. I want to be able to make and answer phone calls without my heart pounding so hard that I worry that there may actually be something wrong with it. That’s why I text. There’s less pressure, and you can’t interrupt anyone. I want to be able to tell people how I feel and what I want or need. I want to be able to ask for help when I need it. I want to stop feeling like people are looking at me and judging me. I want to stop forgetting things all the fucking time. I’d like to sleep well. Hell, I’d like to fall asleep without having to drink or take pills or exhaust myself. I-” Cas froze. His eyes went wide and he looked at Dean who was staring at him with concern.

“Oh no.” He dropped his head and tugged on his hair. “Oh my God. This is too much, isn’t it? You don’t need this. I’m-”

Dean grabbed his face and kissed him, hard. “Don’t you ever think that you’ve got too much baggage for me to deal with. As long as you can deal with the fact that I’ve got my own, we’ll be fine. But you gotta stop torturing yourself, babe. Have you gone to the doctor about this?”

“I had a doctor back in Illinois, but by the time I got here I was out of my meds and I just couldn’t make the call.” Cas tried to keep his eyes from watering. Dean just pulled him into a hug.

“Do you want to find a doctor?”

Cas nodded.

“I can make the phone call for you. I’ll go with you if you want.”

Cas clung to Dean and tried to steady his breathing. Dean tightened his hold.

“I’ve got you, Cas,” he whispered and kissed the top of his head, not letting go. “I’ve got you.”

 

Cas was silent on the way home, head firmly planted against the window, pretending to watch the scenery. When they arrived home he went straight to the kitchen and made a pot of hot water for tea and hot chocolate. Once the drinks were ready Sam and Jess went to assess Sam’s new room and Cas joined Dean in his, no _theirs_ , to make space for his new clothes.

“It’s half Irish cream,” he said as he handed Dean his mug.

Dean nodded in appreciation. “What d’you got in yours?” he asked, eyeing the dark amber liquid.

“Nothing. It’s just tea. It calms me down. Most of the time.”

Dean nodded again and took their mugs, setting them on the nightstand. He took Cas’ hands in his own. “How are you doing? Any better?”

“A little, now that I’m home. But this is fairly regular for me. I guess I’m kinda used to it.”

“That sucks, babe,” Dean said sadly. “Is there anything I can do?”

Cas shook his head. “You’re doing it. Just being here.” Cas clenched his teeth, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

“Cas?”

“You’ll get tired of it. Me not wanting to go out, not telling you what’s on my mind. There’ll be days when I just lock myself in my office and want to be left alone. You deserve better.”

“How bout you let me decide what I deserve and not worry about me ‘getting tired of it’. I’m a big boy, Cas. And now, if I do, for some reason, complain about it, you can say you warned me. But you’re not gonna scare me off that badly.”

Cas looked into his grass green eyes. “Dean-”

Dean kissed him on the forehead. “Let’s get these clothes put away. Man, it’s been forever since I’ve shared a room with anyone.”

They got everything put away fairly quickly. Instead of giving Dean his own drawer in the dresser Cas just divided them half and half. He tried to come out of his funk but it’s not really anything that could be forced and he knew it. So he just tried to relax and enjoy Dean’s company. He watched Dean hang up all of his shirts while he sat on the bed. Watching Dean’s muscles move under his shirt as he kept reaching up was a nice distraction. He even smiled to himself once or twice. Having Dean was going to be good, he decided. Sam, too.

When they finished they went out to the living room and found Sam and Jess sitting on the couch, chatting and giggling. Dean plopped into the big armchair and patted his lap. Cas shook his head, but obliged, snuggling in close.

“I think we picked the wrong seat,” Jess nudged Sam.

“Perhaps I should get rid of the chair and get a loveseat instead,” Cas remarked.

“Nah,” said Dean, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist. “I think this works just fine.”

“Wow,” Sam said with a smirk. “I never knew you could be so gross, Dean.”

“Hey, at least we’re not the ones giggling like a couple of high schoolers.”

Jess giggled.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day Dean called Bobby.

“Hello?”

“Hey Bobby…”

“Dean.”

“Um-”

“Heard from Rufus your store burned down. Sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah, uh, that’s kinda why I’m calling…”

“Well I still got an extra room-”

“Oh, no, Cas is letting us stay with him until… well until. I was just wondering if you had any work for me.”

“Yeah I could probably use you a few times a week.”

“You sure? I don’t want to take work away from anybody.”

“It’s just me and Ash, and that boy works slower’n molasses in January.”

“Alright, well I can come in whenever you need me.”

“Can you be here in an hour?”

“Oh. Yeah, I can definitely do that. See you in an hour.”

Dean dropped his phone on the bed and changed into a worn pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. He pulled on his boots and grabbed a jacket. He headed to Cas’ office to let him know he was taking off. Cas was typing away at his computer, Thalia curled up in the bed at his feet.

“Hey babe, how’s it going?” He kissed Cas on the top of the head.

“Good,” Cas said distantly.

“That’s good. Well, I’m heading out. Bobby’s got some work for me.”

Cas finished his sentence and then turned to face Dean.

“Already?”

“Yeah. Like you said, I’m not the kind of person who can just sit around doing nothing.”

“Oh. Of course.”

“Don’t look so sad. I’m coming back. It’ll only be for a few hours, probably.”

Cas nodded and gave him a little smile. Dean rolled his eyes.

“I mean, how can you miss me if I never go away?”

“Good point.” Cas’ smile widened. “Well the sooner you leave the sooner I can get to it. Go on.” he nodded toward the door. Dean chuckled and gave Cas a kiss.

“I’ll be home in time to make dinner.”

“I can manage. I’ve lived on my own for quite a while, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I wanna make sure nobody gets food poisoning.”

“I can cook, Dean.”

“I’m not gonna risk it. Can’t have Sammy sick for work on Monday.”

Cas looked offended.

“I can teach you. It’ll be fun,” Dean winked.

Cas smiled and shook his head. “You better get going. You don’t want to be late.”

“It’s Bobby. I can never be late.”

Dean kissed Cas one more time and left the room. As he passed through the living room he caught Sam hooking up the DVD player he and Jess bought for the house.

“See ya later, bitch.”

“Bye, jerk.”

 

Dean was elbow deep into the engine of a car when he realized he was having a hard time seeing what he was doing. Then he noticed it had gotten considerably colder.

“Shit.” He pulled out his phone to see what time it was. 6:17.

“Shit,” he repeated. He closed the hood of the car and went inside to wash up.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was getting late, Bobby?”

“You didn’t ask,” the older man replied.

“I gotta get going. I’m supposed to make dinner. See you tomorrow?”

“Nah, I’m closed Sundays.”

“Sure?”

“Boy, can’t I have a goddamn day to myself?”

“Alright, alright! Monday then.”

“How ‘bout you just work Monday through Friday? I don’t think I’m gonna be open weekends no more.” Bobby stretched his back. “I’m getting too old for this.”

“You barely worked at all today, old man.”

“I had to put up with you. That’s work enough.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean smiled. “You wanna come over for dinner?”

“Nah, I got plans.”

“You have plans?”

“Yeah, is that alright with you, princess?”

“I guess. What’re you doing?”

“That’s none of your goddamn business. Now go on so I can get ready.”

“Get ready? Are you going on a date?”

Bobby blushed and charged at Dean like he was going to boot him. “Git!”

Dean ran out the door, laughing.

 

Dean got home about half past six and would have headed straight to the bedroom to change his clothes if he hadn’t smelled cooking smells coming from the kitchen. He walked in to find Cas stirring something on the stove.

“What are you doing?”

Cas looked back at Dean. “Cooking dinner,” he said simply.

Dean walked up to Cas and wrapped his arms around his waist. “I’m sorry, babe. I told you I’d take care of it.”

Cas shrugged. “I figured you’d lost track of time, so I started it.” He turned around in Dean’s arms. “You shouldn’t have to work all day and cook, too.”

Dean smiled and kissed Cas on the forehead. “I really don’t mind.”

“It’s just spaghetti, I can manage,” Cas said. “You go get cleaned up and then you can help make this sauce taste like it’s not from a jar.”

“Deal.”

 

Sunday found Castiel sitting on the couch with his laptop when Dean spotted his record player.

“You didn’t tell me you have a record collection,” he said as he made his way over to the player.

“They’re in the cabinet underneath,” Cas replied without looking up.

Dean started flipping through the records. “Oh man, The Clash, Dead Kennedys, Circle Jerks. I gotta say, this is not what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know, maybe Elvis or something?”

“I was never really a fan of Elvis.”

“Yeah, me either. I mean, I can respect how he kinda started the whole Rock and Roll movement in music, at least as far as white people were concerned, but it was never really anything I got into.”

Cas hummed in agreement and kept typing. Then something caught Dean’s attention.

“Hey Cas? What’s this doing in here?”

Cas finally looked up from his writing. Dean was holding up Like a Virgin. Cas felt his ears turn pink.

“Um…”

“Madonna? Really?”

“It’s catchy,” Cas tried to shrug it off. “Sometimes it’s fun to listen to something that’s not so… anti-establishment.”

“Yeah, okay. Everyone’s got their guilty pleasures,” Dean smirked.

Cas turned back to his writing, slinking lower into the couch. “I never said I felt guilty about it,” he mumbled.

“Uh huh.” Dean slid the record back into the cabinet and pulled out another. He pulled the record out of the sleeve and laid it on the turntable. Carefully, he lifted the needle and laid it on the vinyl at the song he wanted and turned it on. A lazy, bluesy track started to play.

“The Kinks?” Cas asked from behind his computer.

“Hell yeah,” Dean answered, rocking his hips to the music.

“If you keep moving like that I won’t be able to focus on my work,” Cas commented as the track changed.

“Maybe that’s the idea,” Dean winked. “It’s Sunday! Sam’s at Jess’ and we have the whole place to ourselves for at least a couple hours. You should take the day off.”

Cas finished what he was typing and closed his computer. He set it on the coffee table. “What did you have in mind?”

Dean danced his way over to Cas and held his hand out.

“Oh no,” said Cas, shaking his head. “I don’t dance.”

“Come on, Cas, it’s easy. You just let the music move you.”

“It doesn’t… I can’t… It’s just… not a good idea. I assure you it will be very embarrassing. For both of us.”

Dean spread his arms. “No one’s here, Cas. Just you and me. Nobody’s gonna see.”

“You will,” Cas replied quietly.

Dean stopped moving and tilted his head. The smile slid from his face. “I promise I won’t make fun of you. It’ll be fun, come on.” He held out his hand again. Cas sighed and took it as Alcohol came on.

Dean beamed. “Now just let the music take you.” He started moving around again. Cas just stood and watched, wide eyed.

“Come on, Cas,” Dean put his hands on Cas’ hips and started swaying them in time with the slow beat. “Just like that.”

Cas tried to keep it going. It was easy with Dean’s hands there.

“What do I do with my hands?”

“Anything you want. Here.” He grabbed Cas’ hands and put them on his waist, moving closer. He closed his eyes and put their foreheads together. “That’s not so bad is it?”

“No,” Cas whispered.

The song changed again and they slightly changed their rhythm to match. Dean opened his eyes to see big blue ones staring up at him. He wrapped his arms around Cas’ back and dipped down for a kiss. It was slow and easy, just like the music. When the kiss ended Cas tucked his head into Dean’s neck and sighed happily. They ended up out of time with the music but kept moving until the song ended. The needle lifted and the side was over. Dean pulled back and looked at Cas. He would never get over how gorgeous the other man was.

“See,” he said softly. “Didn’t I tell you it would be fun?”

“Yes,” Cas admitted, smiling.

 

Later they were lying together on the couch, Cas in Dean’s lap, still listening to records. They’d moved on to something lighter, Jim Croche, and were just enjoying each other’s company. Dean had never been so comfortable in his life.

“This is amazing,” he said softly. He hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud until Cas tipped his head up to look at him.

“What is?”

Dean felt himself start to blush. “This.” He made a vague gesture at the two of them. “I didn’t realize being in a relationship could be so awesome.” He shrugged. Cas pushed himself up so that his head was on Dean’s shoulder.

“You’ve never been in a relationship before?”

“Not really. I mean, there were a couple girls who I spent a lot of time with, but it never felt like this.”

Cas smiled to himself. He liked knowing that he made Dean so happy. He felt a twinge of pride.

“Never any men?” he ventured.

“I’ve only ever been with one other man before,” Dean said shyly. “And it didn’t work out so well.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s not much to tell. A little over a year ago, after I’d, you know, figured everything out, there was this guy. I thought we had a pretty good thing going. We were on the same page about a lot of things. We hung out a lot. Then one day we just, uh, ended up making out for a while. He gave me a blow job but I… wasn’t ready to reciprocate. I gave him a hand job, though. It went on like that for maybe a week before he got kinda crazy. He was really jealous of all the time I spent with Sammy. He hated him. And he said that I must not really be into guys if all I wanted to do was give hand jobs.  He kept pushing for more. The more he pushed the harder I refused. I don’t like to be pushed into things, you know? Then we had this huge fight because Sammy and I were going LARPing with Charlie. I told him he could come and hang out but it’s like he just, I dunno, he didn’t want to share me, I guess. He stormed out and blew town. I don’t even know why he was here. He’d been living in a hotel for a couple weeks. Then he was just gone.”

Cas sat up and looked down at Dean. “We haven’t done anything that you didn’t want to, have we? Because-”

Dean pulled him down into a kiss. “No,” he said against his lips. “Everything we’ve done I’ve wanted to.” He smiled. “ _Really_ wanted to.”

Cas nodded and laid back down. “You didn’t consider that a relationship?”

“Nah, it was just a couple weeks. More like a fling.”

Cas wrapped his arms tighter around Dean. Dean kissed the top of his head.

“I’m really happy here, Cas,” he whispered.

“Me too.”

 

On Monday Dean called the doctor for Cas on his lunch break. They made an appointment for him just after the first of the year. He called Cas to let him know.

“That was the soonest they said they had open,” Dean told Cas. “But if you want or need something sooner I can call them back and say it’s an emergency.

“That’s alright. I feel fine now. If it gets too bad I’ll let you know.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, Dean. Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Anything for you, babe.”

Dean slid his phone back into his pocket and headed back out to work. A few hours later he felt it buzzing again. It was Sheriff Mills.

“Hello?’ he said, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder as he wiped the grease off his hands.

“Dean?” The sheriff replied. “It turns out the store across from yours had a surveillance camera and caught some images of someone breaking into your store and coming back out before it went up. Do you think you could come in and see if you recognize the person?”

“Uh, yeah. I just gotta let Bobby know and I’ll be right down.”

“Great, see you soon.”

 

“It’s not great quality,” Jody said as she lead Dean to the video. She played the part in question and the rewound it, pausing on the best frame and zooming in.

“Look like anyone you know?”

Dean squinted and tilted his head. “Son of a bitch,” he mumbled.

“What is it?”

“It looks like the bitch realtor’s lackey. What’s his name? George?”

“The realtor that’s been trying to buy up the block?”

“Yeah, um…” Dean thought. “Bicklebee. Joyce Bicklebee. You know, she came up to me a couple weeks ago trying to get me to sell again. She said she’d figure something out. Didn’t think she’d burn the place down. How does that help her?”

“Maybe she thinks that you’ll sell it now that there’s nothing left?”

“Well she’s got another think coming. I’m not selling.”


	10. Chapter 10

Dean was surprised at the ease with which he settled in at Cas’. They were quick to fall into a routine. Dean would work at Bobby’s during the week and cook dinner most nights, letting Cas believe he’s helping on occasion. With his first paycheck, after he made Cas take some money for rent, he bought a bunch of movies Cas needed to see. He felt it was his mission to educate the man. How he had gone 34 years without ever seeing Star Wars he had no idea. Cas seemed to enjoy it, though, when they watched it curled up on the couch one Saturday. They even watched the prequels, at Sam’s insistence. Cas had the decency to dislike Jar Jar Binks and even fell asleep halfway through Attack of the Clones. Sam accused Dean first of brainwashing Cas against the movies and then of keeping him up all night. Dean admitted that one or both of those was absolutely true.

Cas loved Indian Jones more, and Dean was slightly scandalized, but he let it go. He suspected Sam had something to do with it, but Cas denied it.

That was how it went for a while, working, cooking, and watching movies, until Dean got a text from Charlie a couple weeks before Christmas.

_Charlie: Are you guys still having the Christmas party or are you gonna skip it this year?_

“Shit.”

“What is it?” asked Cas, curled up under a blanket and leaning against Dean.

“I forgot about the Christmas party this year.” He looked at Sam.

“What about it?” Cas asked.

“We used to have it at the shop every year.” Sam answered. “All our friends would show up and drink and listen to records.”

“Why don’t you have it here?” suggested Cas.

Dean squeezed Cas with one arm. “It’s a lot more people than were at Thanksgiving, baby.”

Cas shrugged. “You can still have it here. If I feel like I can’t handle it I’ll just go write or go to bed. It’s no big deal. It sounds like fun. Plus, I would be able to meet your friends finally.”

“You’re sure, Cas?” Sam worried. “They can be kind of… rowdy.”

Cas nodded. “We should do it.”

“Okay, cool. Next weekend?” Dean asked.

“Yes, that should be fine.”

“Alright, I’ll let them know.”

Cas was excited. As much as of a hard time he had with people, he always really wanted to have a big Christmas party. He just never had enough friends to throw one himself. He began planning in his head immediately. They would have to get a tree and decorations. He’d get his mom’s eggnog recipe from Gabriel. He’d convince Dean to make cookies.

  
****

Dean and Sam refused to go tree shopping with Cas.

“Why do we even need a tree?” Dean groaned.

“It’s Christmas!” Cas said obviously.

“We just don’t really go all out for Christmas, Cas,” Sam explained. “The party is mostly an excuse for all of us to get together and play records and drink.”

“Oh,” Cas said quietly.

Cas looked so pitiful Dean could barely stand it. He must have been getting private lessons from Sam on how to pull off the puppydog eyes.

“Alright, you can get a tree, but I’m telling you right now that if I go with you I’m going to be a miserable pain in the ass.” Dean conceded.

Sam snapped his fingers. “Jess loves this kind of stuff! I can see if she would want to go with you,” he offered.

“Thank you, Sam. I would appreciate that.”

Sam tapped on his phone for a few seconds and waited for a reply. “I should just give you her number. You two would probably have a lot of fun together.”

“I’m not really very good at initiating conversation.”

“Alright, I’ll give her your number then. If that’s alright with you.”

Cas nodded. “Okay.”

Jess arrived half an hour later bundled up and ready to go. She went to talk to Sam while Cas pulled on his coat and hat and kissed Dean goodbye.

Jess jingled a set of keys in front of Cas when she came back into the room. “We’re taking Sam’s truck,” she smiled. “Let’s go.”

 

“Does Cas have any ornaments?” Sam asked after they left.

“Shit, I didn’t think about that. Should I call him and ask?”

“I mean, we’ve got all that stuff in storage…”

Dean took a deep breath. He hadn’t been to the storage unit since he helped his dad move everything in there. Maybe it was time.

“Yeah.” He tossed Sam his keys. “Why don’t you go pick up the ornaments from there and I’ll get to work on these cookies.

“Alright,” Sam smiled, and left before Dean could change his mind.

 

When Cas and Jess arrived at the tree farm their first stop was the main building where they purchased hot cider. Then they began browsing the trees. Working together, it didn’t take them long to find the perfect one.

“Wanna get lunch?” Jess asked.

“That sounds like a fantastic idea.”

They stopped at a little sandwich shop downtown, not far from where the record store used to be.

“So,” Jess leaned over the table. “What are you getting Dean for Christmas?”

“I’m not sure. After I bought all those clothes for him I think he may kill me if I buy him anything else.”

“Psh. He can suck it up. It’s Christmas! Watching people open their presents from you is like the best part!”

Cas nodded. “That’s true. I’ll have to think about it. What are you getting Sam?”

Jess was maybe halfway through her list when a figure caught Castiel’s eye. He felt all the blood drain from his face.

“Cas? You okay?”

Castiel couldn’t look away from the man he spotted. It was impossible. There was no reason he should be in Kansas. When the man looked away to the waitress who was taking his bill Castiel bolted out of his seat and out the door. He couldn’t leave, of course, because he was there with Jess, but he had to get out of that restaurant. He considered walking to the lake, to his and Dean’s bench, but didn’t. He knew Crowley would follow him, and he didn’t want that place tainted. He managed to take a few shaky steps around the corner and into the alley where he leaned against the cool wall and closed his eyes, trying to make himself breathe.

“Castiel?” The gravelly voice and British accent grated against his nerves. He opened his eyes to find Crowley standing smugly in front of him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well hello to you too, sweetheart.”

Castiel remained silent.

Crowley sighed. “A little birdie told me you were here and I wanted to see for myself if it was true. Apparently it is, too. Nice little chickie you got there.”

Cas shook his head. “It’s not like that.”

“Oh? You two seemed very cozy. Tree shopping together, chatting and smiling over lunch.”

Cas squinted his eyes at the shorter man. “How long have you been following us?”

“Since you left your house this afternoon.”

“What do you want?”

“Well, that’s for me to know and you to find out, isn’t it?”

“Crowley, I don’t have anything for you. I’m done with you. I left. Just leave me and my friends alone.”

“Cas?” Jess’ voice called from around the corner.

“Sounds like your not-girlfriend is looking for you.”

“She’s my boyfriend’s soon-to-be-sister-in-law.”

“So what are you doing with her?”

“Exactly what you saw. Buying a tree, having lunch.”

“And why didn’t your boyfriend come with you?”

“Cas?”

“I’m here Jess!”

“Are you sure he wants to spend time with you? Maybe he’s getting bored. I know I did.”

“Everything okay here?” Jess had appeared and looked very threatening for being so tiny and wrapped up in winter wear.

“I’m ready to go home,” Cas said as he walked away from the other man.

“See you around, Castiel!” Crowley called.

Cas flinched and they rounded the corner and made their way back to the truck. Cas climbed in and tried to curl up into a ball as much as being buckled into the seat would allow.

“Don’t listen to assholes like that, sweetie.” Jess laid a hand on his shoulder. He flinched under her touch and she pulled it back. “I’m guessing he’s an ex?”

Cas nodded, then realized that she probably wasn’t looking at him as she was driving. “Yes.”

“Well he’s obviously just jealous.”

Cas grunted.

“Cas, Dean cares about you very much. He loves spending time with you. The only reason he’s not here right now is because, well, the Winchesters have never really been big on Christmas. Not since their mom died. But it’s not really my story to tell. I’m just saying, don’t let that bastard get under your skin. And don’t worry about Dean. If he was the type to use the ‘L’ word then I think it would apply to how he feels about you.”

“Lesbians?”

Jessica burst out laughing. “Oh my God, did you just make a joke?”

Cas sat up a little in his seat. “We watched Scott Pilgrim a couple weeks ago.”

Jessica laughed more and Cas started to relax a little, but he still felt sick over his encounter with Crowley, and his last words weighed on his mind. Crowley wasn’t someone to underestimate. But then again, neither were his new friends.

 

When they got home Sam and Dean came out to help with the tree. Cas gave his boyfriend a kiss and headed into the house. The place smelled like Dean had been baking and there were boxes all over the living room. Christmas music filled the air. Cas barely took notice as he walked to his room. He kicked off his shoes and curled up under his blankets, staring off into space. A few moments there was a knock at the door.

“Cas?” Dean called. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Cas mumbled.

Dean came in and closed the door behind him. The room was dark but he knew his way to the bed by now. He sat down on the edge and laid a hand on Cas’ thigh.

“You want to talk about it?”

Cas stared at Dean. The truth was he did want to talk about it, but he wasn’t sure where to start. And after Dean learned everything he was positive he wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He would have to leave again.

“Not now,” Cas replied.

Dean nodded. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Lay down with me?”

Dean went around the bed and crawled in behind Cas, wrapping his arms around him. He kissed the back of Cas’ head and Cas brought a hand up to grip Dean’s against his chest.

“I made cookies.”

Cas rolled over to look at Dean. It was easy to forget about Crowley and their past when he had this.

“I noticed. The house smells amazing. What are all those boxes?”

“Oh, we weren’t sure if you had any decorations so Sam ran over to the storage unit and got all our old stuff.”

Cas sat up and Dean joined him. He couldn’t form a sentence from all the words and feelings flying around in his head. Instead he wrapped his arms around Dean, tight and whispered, “thank you.”

Dean rubbed his back and kissed him on the ear. “We haven’t had that stuff out since my mom died. To be honest, I’m kind of excited to see what’s in there.” He pulled back. “A little… worried… about, you know, feelings and stuff, but I guess it’s about time.”

Cas gave him a sad smile and opened his mouth to speak, but instead crashed their mouths together, slamming Dean back onto the bed. Dean immediately wrapped his legs around Cas and Cas started rocking his hips. He nipped at Dean’s jaw while Dean was trying to pull off Cas’ sweater. Cas finally gave in and sat up. He pulled his sweater and undershirt off in one motion as Dean wriggled out of his. As soon as they were topless Cas dropped back down to attach his mouth to one of Dean’s nipples. Dean arched his back and made a low groan in the back of his throat. That sound lit a fire in Cas’ belly. He kissed his way down to Dean’s waistband and worked the fly open, looking up into Dean’s eyes the entire time.

“Fuck, Cas,” he whispered.

“That’s the idea,” Cas growled back. He tugged Dean’s pants down far enough to get to his erection. He licked his lips and sucked on the head. Dean gripped the sheets tightly.

“Ffffffff.”

Cas took all of Dean in his mouth in one fell swoop and slowly came back up, hollowing out his cheeks. He repeated this motion four times.

“God damn, Cas.”

Cas pulled off and replaced his mouth with his hand. He slid back up to Dean and kissed him, hard. Dean rolled them over and began working at Castiel’s jeans. Soon they were both naked, rutting against each other.

“Dean,” Cas moaned.

Dean pulled his head back to look at the man beneath him. “What do you want, baby?”

Cas stared back up at Dean and took a breath. He closed his mouth and started to worry his lower lip. It’s always hard to gauge when it’s the right time to take the next step.

Dean shook his head. “Anything. Anything you want.”

“Fuck me?”

“Oh fuck yes,” Dean whispered. He had been waiting for this. Though, to be honest, he was hoping to be the one getting fucked. Maybe next time. He crawled down Cas’ body and pushed his legs up. Then he stopped.

“Dean?” Cas was worried that maybe Dean wasn’t ready for this after all, which would be perfectly fine, but, damn, did Cas want him to be ready.

Dean reached for the lube that now sat on their nightstand. “Sorry, new territory.”

“If you don’t want to…”

“Oh, I want to,” Dean said as he slipped a finger inside Cas.

Cas gasped and arched off the bed.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Yes. Absolutely.”

Dean slipped in another finger. “How ‘bout now?” he asked with mirth.

Cas lifted his head and caught a smirk on Dean’s face. He was about to respond when Dean wriggled his fingers and Cas’ head involuntarily slammed against the pillow.

Dean hummed. “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m never gonna get tired of doing that to you.” He scissored his fingers a few more times and added a third. He continued pumping them in and out until Cas was a squirming, incoherent mess.

“Jesus, Dean,” Cas breathed.

Dean removed his fingers and felt around in the drawer until he found a condom. He rolled it on and scooted forward. He pulled Cas’ legs up onto his thighs and held himself at his opening. They locked eyes and Cas could see slight worry on Dean’s face. He nodded and Dean pushed inside him.

“Holy shit,” whispered Dean, eyes going wide. He hovered for a minute, just breathing. He had no idea it was going to feel this amazing. It was so tight and hot. His body was thrumming with excitement.

“Dean?”

Dean snapped out of his daze and focused back on Cas.

“Move,” Cas pleaded.

Dean flashed a smile and started rolling his hips. They were both breathing heavy and sweating. Dean adjusted his position and picked up the pace. Cas’ hand flew to his dick but Dean swatted it away and took it into his hand instead. He tried his best to keep his hand going at the same pace as his hips. Beneath him Cas’ body tightened up and Cas grabbed Dean’s wrist. As hard as he tried to keep it in he let out a small cry when he came. Dean’s thrusting became more erratic and a moment later he dropped his head and came with a shudder. He flopped on top of Cas, who wrapped his arms around him.

“Was that okay?” Dean breathed. He hoped it was okay, because he would very much like to do it again.

Cas huffed out a laugh and kissed Dean’s sweaty head.

“We should probably get out there,” Dean mumbled against Cas’ neck.

Cas hummed in agreement. Dean rolled off of him and Cas got up, pulling a dirty shirt from the laundry basket and wiping himself off before tossing it to Dean. Neither tried too hard to look presentable before leaving the room.

 

“So,” Cas said to Sam as they enter the living room full of boxes. “Dean says you brought some old decorations?”

Sam cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. I’m not sure it’s all decorations, though. I didn’t look in all the boxes.”

“Well whatever we don’t use can be put in the basement or the garage.”

Sam nodded.

“Oh, Dean,” Jess said with a knowing smirk. “I pulled that last batch of sugar cookies out of the oven for you.”

Dean’s ears turned pink. “That’s awesome, Jess,” he stammered. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” she winked.

“Alright!” Dean clapped his hands together. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.”

The first thing Dean pulls out of a box is a tangled ball of lights. “Oh man, these are at least 27 years old,” he glances up at Sam. “Do you really think we should use these?”

“I thought about that while I was digging through boxes,” Sam replied. “So I stopped and bought new ones while I was out.”

It took them about an hour to go through all the boxes. They had quite a few ornaments, plus tinsel, garlands, and house decorations.

“Yahtzee!” Dean exclaimed as he opened the last box. He held up a papier mache angel. He set it gently on top of a stack of ornaments and pulled out the next thing in the box. It was a photo album that had somehow survived the fire. He flipped through it for a moment and then put it back in the box.

“Well,” Cas said. “Shall we get started?”

“No,” Dean said seriously. He stood and walked into the kitchen. Cas moved to follow him, but Sam stopped him.

“Not this time, man,” he said, shaking his head. “Just let him go.”

Dean could barely keep the smirk off of his face when he found his mom’s cider recipe. He remembered his dad talking about it on cold nights when he’d had too much too drink. He wanted to surprise Sam. As the cider started to warm through he realized the rum was in Cas’ office. He put on his most serious face and tried to be nonchalant as he went to retrieve it. Sometimes it was fun to be thought of as moody.

The other three went about organizing the piles of decorations and repacking things they didn’t need. Sam suggested they start without Dean, but Cas refused.

Fifteen minutes later a grinning Dean returned carrying a tray that held a plate of cookies, four mugs, and what looked like a pitcher of hot cider.

“If we’re gonna be decorating we’re gonna need refreshments.” He sat the tray on the coffee table and poured them each a mug of the steaming cider.

Cas lifted the mug to take a drink and almost choked on the fumes. “What the hell is this?” he asked. It didn’t smell bad, just strong.

“Hot buttered rum cider. I found the recipe in the photo album. It was my mom’s. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right.”

They turned the music up. Sam and Cas put the tree in the stand as Dean directed them on straightening it out and finding it’s best side. When Sam started “putting the lights on wrong” Dean took over, wrapping the white lights around the trunk and weaving the colored ones in the branches. Cas stood back and watched him, amused and slightly buzzed. Jess assured a pouting Sam that he could do the lights however he wanted when they moved in together and petted his hair. When Dean was satisfied he grabbed the angel and headed for the tree. Before he reached up to place it on the top he stopped.

“Cas, come here, babe.”

Cas, slightly fearful of Christmas-nazi Dean, did as he was told. Dean handed him the angel. He locked eyes with Cas and licked his lips.

“You do it.”

Cas nodded and stretched to reach the top of the tree, which he could not.

“I’ll go get a stool,” Jess offered.

“Nah,” Dean said. “I got this.”

He bent down and folded his hands together for Cas to step in. “I’ll give you a boost.”

Cas looked at him, then at his hands, and back to his face again. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No way, man. Come on.”

Cas sighed, gripped Dean’s shoulder, and stepped into his cupped hands. Dean swayed as Cas reached the top of the tree. He just got it in place as Dean’s balance failed and they both crashed to the ground laughing.

They danced and sang and laughed as they put the ornaments on the tree. Half way through Dean had to make another pitcher of cider and Cas ordered pizza online.When they were finished and Dean was satisfied they put in Christmas Vacation and drank a third pitcher of cider. Sam and Jess fell asleep together in the chair. Cas and Dean, who had been sitting on the floor due to boxes and tissue paper taking over the couch, made their way back to the bedroom and were out before they could even get each other’s clothes off.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I had for this chapter originally was ridiculously short. It should have been tacked on to the end of the last chapter. I don't know what I was thinking. So, I reworked some stuff and now there's only one chapter left! Yay!

By the time the next weekend rolled around Dean had baked dozens of cookies and Sam and Cas had finished decorating the entire house, including stockings and outdoor Christmas lights. Cas has never been in a house decorated so extremely. He loved it. He tried to put an elf hat on Thalia but she wasn’t having it. He did, however, have to move most of the decorations hanging on the lower branches of the tree.

. Saturday evening came and Cas was pleased to find that he was excited about the party and meeting Sam and Dean’s friends instead of feeling terrified and wanting to spend the night in his room. The doorbell rang and Cas went to answer it.

“Heya Cas!” Charlie was there and with her was a tall woman with dark, curly hair. “This is Gilda, my girlfriend,” she introduced as the handed over their coats.

“Pleased to meet you,” Cas said as he shook her hand.

“Likewise,” she replied. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Finally got Dean to settle down a bit, huh?”

Cas smiled and took their coats to the office. ‘

“Gilda! You made it!” Dean wrapped her in a hug. “Didn’t think Charlie was ever gonna be able to bring you to one of our little get-togethers!”

“Well someone happened to make our travel arrangements around the party so I figured we should probably show up,” she smiled.

They all sat in the living room watching Home Alone and taking turns answering the door. Jo and Benny showed up together. Garth came bearing a fruit cake. Another friend, Victor, came brandishing a bottle of scotch. A young man named Kevin showed up and sipped at a cup of eggnog, screwing his face up everytime he took a drink.

“Is he even old enough to drink?” Cas asked Dean.

Dean just shrugged. “It’s Christmas, give the kid a break.”

Over the next hour more and more people showed up. Cas knew he’d never remember all their names, but they all seemed kind and not at all scary.

They watched movies and played drinking games. There were cards and Christmas carols and Aaron brought a dreidel except, instead of gelt, they just did shots. About halfway through the evening a woman named Pamela brought in a case from her car and started giving people tattoos in the kitchen. As the hours went on things became more of a blur and Cas decided that this is what he wanted every year. This is what he was alway missing at Christmas. Good friends and good fun.

 

The next afternoon he woke up on his stomach, in his boxers, next to Dean. He rolled over onto his back and immediately sat up. It felt like he had a sunburn and it hurt to stretch. He shook Dean awake. Dean just closed his eyes tighter and curled up.

“What?” he mumbled into the pillow.

“There’s something wrong with my back!”

Dean blinked his eyes open and glanced at Cas’ back. He chuckled.

“Looks like you got some ink last night.”

“What?” Cas twisted, trying to see what Dean was talking about but couldn’t see anything but some black smudges on his shoulders. He got up and made his way to the bathroom. He turned his back to the mirror and looked. There, across the top of his back was a pair of wings with a star in the middle that matched the one Dean had on his chest. He looked up to find Dean leaning against the door frame.

“It looks good. Pam’s really talented. It must have taken hours.”

Cas smiled and nodded. It did look good.

“It doesn’t bother you that we have matching tattoos?” he asked.

“Nah,” Dean smiled. “I like it. Let me put some lotion on it for you and then we can go back to bed.”

 

Christmas morning found them at Ellen’s again. She wanted them there by ten a.m. and Cas tried his best not to be a grump about it. Dean promised to make it up to him later. They arrived about ten til and made their way to the living room with Jo. A moment later Ellen brought out a tray of breakfast food and passed out plates.

“Grab it and growl.”

Benny showed up around noon and they began to open presents.

“Why does he get to show up later?” Cas leaned over and grumbled to Dean. Dean just shrugged. He didn’t make the rules.

“Is Jess coming over?” Jo asked Sam.

“No, she’s spending the day with her family. I actually have to head out soon. I told her I’d be over this afternoon.”

“Actually,” Cas looked at Dean, “I was hoping we could leave a little early, too. I have something I want to show you.”

Dean nodded. “Sure. But after dinner?”

“Of course,” Cas smiled.

  


After dinner Cas convinced Dean to let him drive the Impala. About halfway there he handed Dean a blindfold and told him to put it on.

“Cas, I never knew you were into the kinky stuff,” Dean winked as he took the cloth from him. Cas just smiled mischieviously. He drove to the lake and led Dean to their bench.

“Okay, take it off,” Cas said.

Dean pulled the blindfold off and looked down at the bench. Affixed to the back was a plaque.

 

_**Dean & Cas** _

_**So it goes.** _

“Holy crap, Cas.”

Cas smiled up at him as he stared at the little plaque.

“You put a Vonnegut quote on our bench.”

“I heard somewhere that he’s your second favorite author,” Cas smirked.

Dean pulled Cas close and kissed him deeply. “Now it really is our bench. You’re amazing, babe.”

 

* * *

 

Every year for New Year’s Eve Ellen threw a masquerade party at the Roadhouse. Cas loved dressing up so he was thrilled when Dean told him. Dean was surprisingly equally excited. They went to the costume shop that Charlie owned in town and found that she already had costumes picked out for them. A cowboy for Dean and a spaceman for Cas.

“We were actually thinking of going a bit more traditional,” Dean told her. “You know, cool mask, simple costume. Like Phantom.”

Cas and Charlie turned their heads toward him slowly, eyebrows raised.

“What? I know stuff!”

Charlie snapped her fingers. “I have just the thing!” She went to the back room and came back with a huge grin on her face. She handed them each a garment bag.

Dean opened his first. The mask was black with a little bit of red detail along the edges, had sharp angles and was elongated on either side of the top to look like horns. The only other thing in the bag was a long, black and deep red cape. A smile spread across his face and he turned to watch Cas reveal his costume.

Castiel’s mask was gold and classically shaped. The eyes were lined in white and there were white feathers adorning each side. The other item in the bag was a pair of long, white wings that would go down to his ankles.

“It also comes in black, if you’d like. The mask is silver and black instead of gold and white. But I thought the white made a nice contrast to Dean’s.”

Dean’s mouth crept up into a smile. “Yeah, but if you get a white suit to go with the black wings…” Dean licked his lips and bit the lower one. “Damn.”

“I’ll take the black.”

 

New Year’s came and Cas had to admit to himself that he looked pretty damn good in the white suit with the black wings hanging down his back. Charlie even came over and helped him put black makeup around his eyes to make them look more dramatic under the mask. But no matter how good he thought he looked it was nothing compared to Dean in his demon costume. He bought a cane and a cravat to finish it off and it took Cas everything he had not to tear it off of him. Dean must have noticed.

“Damn, angel. You look like you want to smite me or something.”

Cas ran his hands up and down Dean’s deep red waistcoat. “Or something,” he growled.

Dean chuckled and kissed him. “When we get home,” he whispered, “you can show me Heaven and I’ll give you Hell.”

It was corny but Castiel shivered anyway.

“Come on, babe. We better go or we never will.” Dean dramatically tossed the cape around his shoulders and headed for the door.

 

When they got to the Roadhouse Castiel was pleased to see that most people had taken the masquerade theme to heart instead of having a cosplay party as Charlie had hoped. They spotted her as they walked in dressed in a doublet and trousers. She was dancing with Gilda who donned an elaborate mask and fairy wings. They waved at the girls and made their way to the bar. Jo was working, wearing a simple gold masque.

“Wow, you guys look amazing. What’ll you have?”

“Oatmeal stout,” said Dean.

“Ad Astra?” Cas supplied.

“Coming right up.”

Dean looked at Cas who, despite the mask, could tell that he raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Cas shrugged.

“Since when do you drink beer? And not just any beer, but good, local beer?”

“Despite what you may think I drink more than wine and tea.”

“Well yeah. I’ve definitely seen you get plowed on hard liquor.”

“I have been here for a couple years. They sell the beer at the grocery store.”

“Well it’s time you’ve stocked up. I’ve been there for over a month and there’s never any beer in your fridge!”

“You go shopping with me. You’ve had plenty of opportunities to put beer in the cart.” A wicked grin crossed Cas’ face.

“You’ve been doing this on purpose!”

“I wanted to see how long it took before you felt at home enough to get what you want.”

“Uh guys?” Jo rapped on the bar. They both turned to her and noticed their beers before them.

“Thank you,” Cas smiled.

“Can you believe this guy?” Dean demanded.

Jo just shrugged and looked at Cas. “He would never tell mom what he liked to eat when he lived with us. I mean, sure, he’d go on and on about what Sam preferred, but…” She glanced at Dean and smiled, then back to Cas. “He’s just not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. You’d have waited forever for him to speak up.” With that she left to help another customer.

Dean huffed and looked out at the floor, which had been cleared of tables so people could dance.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have tested you. But I want you to feel at home.”

Dean relaxed his angry stance and turned his head to look at his boyfriend. “Why?”

Cas opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. He took a long drink of his beer and stood silent for a moment. Then he took a deep breath. “Because I like having you around. And I don’t want you to leave.”

Dean nodded and looked back out over the room. “You’ll get sick of me eventually.” He said it so low that Cas could barely hear him over the music. It was meant to sound joking but Cas caught the self-loathing undertones.

“No, I don’t think so.” He folded his free arm across his chest. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if you got bored and left me.”

“Hey,” Dean sat his beer back down on the bar and faced Cas. He gripped his shoulders and caught Cas’ eye. “That’s not gonna happen. If you really want me to move in permanently then… fine. I’m in.”

A watery smile spread across Cas’ face and he pulled Dean in for a kiss.

“Oh my God! As if I don’t get enough of this at home!”

They broke apart to find Sam and Jess had arrived wearing his and her’s matching white masks.

“You guys look great!” Jess commented.

“Thank you,” Cas replied. “So do you.”

 

The four of them spent some time together, mingling through the crowd and drinking their share. Ellen stopped them at one point to get a picture of them all together. Later Cas realized that Dean had somehow gotten him out onto the dance floor.

“Oh, Dean, I don’t dance. You’ve seen first hand. No matter how drunk you get me. Besides,” he nodded toward the people on the floor, “that’s not really dancing.”

“Shh,” Dean laid his hand on Cas’ waist and grabbed his right hand in his left. Castiel cocked his head. Dean smiled and stepped forward, leading Cas into a waltz as Piano Man played. He let himself be swept around the room, past the other people on the dance floor.

“Just keep your eyes on me. None of these other people are even here.” Dean smiled.

Cas smiled back broadly, and, although he’s not used to doing it backwards, finished the dance with grace. When it was over the room erupted in applause.

“I didn’t know you could really dance, Dean.”

“I’ve picked up a thing or two here and there,” Dean shrugged.

Castiel kissed him deep and slow. “Next time I lead, though.”

“Yeah, okay.”

On the way back to the bar Cas excused himself and headed for the men’s room. He was still smiling to himself when someone else entered.

“You two make a darling couple.”

Castiel zipped up and moved to wash his hands. “What do you want, Crowley?”

“I still have a bone to pick with you, _angel_.”

“Look, I told you I was out and I am. I’m done. Why don’t you just go back home and leave us the hell alone?”

“Why don’t we go outside and discuss it?”

“There’s nothing to discuss. I left. It’s over.”

Crowley opened the door to the bathroom. There was a clear view of Dean, Sam, and Jess at the bar talking with Jo and Ellen. There were also two very large men at the end of the bar, watching for Crowley.

“Why don’t we go outside before my friends get bored?”

Cas swallowed and followed Crowley. On their way past the bar Crowley’s friends joined them. He caught Dean’s eyes watching him and shook his head. The last thing he needed was for Dean to get involved with his mess.

As soon as they made their way away from the door outside Crowley’s goons laid into Castiel. He fought back with everything he had, breaking a nose and gouging an eye in the process but finally found himself pinned against the wall. One of the men had punched him in the face and his mask lay shattered on the cement at his feet. Crowley strode up to him with a smug smile.

“You don’t get to just leave, sweetheart. I decide when I’m done with you.” Crowley pulled out a short blade and pressed it under his chin.

“How about I decide?”

Castiel was barely able slide his eyes to the right to see Dean standing there with Sam, Benny, and Victor.

“Gentlemen, dear Castiel and I were just having a little chat, isn’t that right, darling?”

Cas did his best to glare at Crowley. Then he saw the flash of red and blue out of the corner of his eye. Crowley’s men dropped him and he slumped to the sidewalk. Crowley turned and started to stride away.

“Stop right there,” sheriff Mills called.

Crowley spun on the spot. “Excuse me?”

Cas chuckled through his bloody lips. “You idiot. You don’t have any pull here.”

“Down on the ground, you three.”

Crowley dropped to his knees and put his hands behind his head. The other two got completely down.

“Good thing I can afford an expensive lawyer. See you in court, darling.”

Jody and her team got them cuffed and into their cruisers. “Do you need an ambulance?” She asked Cas.

“It’s mostly just some cuts,” he said. “Nothing broken. Perhaps a small concussion.”

“Well you’ll need to get all that documented if you want to make a case.”

“I’m not going to press charges.”

“The hell you’re not!” Dean exclaimed as he kneeled beside him.

“Dean, he wasn’t kidding about being able to hire the best lawyers. He’d turn it around on me somehow and get off. Or even if he doesn’t, it’ll just be a fine and he’ll be gone. There’s no use. Just take me home, please.”

“Fine. But we’re not done talking about this.” Dean helped him up from the sidewalk and slid under his arm to walk him back to the car.

“Can it wait until tomorrow? I just want to be done for tonight.” His voice was steady, but he grasped Dean’s jacket like it would make the pain go away.

Dean slid him into the passenger seat and looked at him. All the anger was gone from his face. All that was left was worry. Cas cracked a half smile.

“I’ll be alright, Dean.” He tentatively touched his cheekbone right below his left eye. “Damn. I really liked that mask, too.”

Dean forced a sweet smile and kissed the top of his head before closing the door.

 

Castiel started drifting off to sleep on the short ride home. Dean snapped his fingers repeatedly in front of his face.

“If you have a concussion that means no sleeping. Stay with me babe.”

When they got home Dean steered him to the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet.

“I’m gonna clean up these cuts and make sure there’s no pieces of your mask in there.” He got out the alcohol, some gauze, and the tweezers. “You really should have gone to the hospital.”

“Would you have?” Castiel asked.

Dean sighed. “No, probably not.” He set to work dabbing the blood off his skin and eyeballing every abrasion for any shards of porcelain. He didn’t seem to find anything.

“At least I don’t have to mangle your pretty face anymore,” he mumbled.

Castiel just looked up at him wearily. “Dean, I just want to go to bed.”

Dean checked the time on his phone. “We can go to bed, but no sleeping for at least a couple more hours.”

“Dean, that’s an old wives’ tale. I want to sleep.”

“Fine. But I’m waking you up every few hours to make sure you don’t go into a coma.”

“At your own risk. You know what I’m like.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

Dean tries to help him into the bedroom but Castiel shakes him off angrily. “I can manage, Dean.”

“Just humor me, Cas. I need to make sure you’re okay.”

Cas walked into the bedroom without turning on the light and sat on the edge of the bed. He tried to lean down to take off his shoes but dizziness engulfed him.

“You can help me undress,” he told Dean with his head in his hands.

Dean crouched down on the floor and gently removed his shoes and socks.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fan-fucking-tastic,” Cas growled.

Dean moved to his knees and began working on Cas’ pants. As he slid them down Cas’ legs he followed the pants with kisses. Cas let out a hum.

“You know, I can think of ways to keep you awake if you change your mind.”

Cas propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Dean in the dim light.

“As tempting as that is, I just really want to sleep. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Dean said softly as he got to his feet. “Don’t apologize. We’ll just have to have plenty of make up sex when you’re better.”

Cas sat up to let Dean unbutton and slide his shirt off. “If you still want me after I tell you everything.”

“Hey.” Dean cupped his face and looked straight into his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. We’ve all done some stupid shit. I honestly can’t think of anything that could trump my-” he paused and bit his lip. “How I feel about you,” he finished. Cas really hoped he couldn’t see the fear and disbelief in his eyes. To be sure he leaned in and kissed him. He broke away and slid up the bed to lie down. Dean disrobed and lay behind him. Castiel grabbed his hand and pulled it to his chest.

“Whatever happens, I want you to know that I love you, Dean Winchester.”

And then he was out.

Dean froze. There was no way he had heard Cas correctly. But, really, what else could he have said? A little smile made its way onto Dean’s face. He lay behind his boyfriend and stared at the back of his head, too shocked to sleep.

 

Later Cas woke up to Dean shaking him.

“What?” he growled.

“It’s been three hours, just making sure you’re okay.”

“‘m fine. Lea’me alone.”

“You said you loved me,” Dean whispered, awed.

Cas hummed in response and fell back to sleep.

Dean figured maybe Cas was just tired. He hadn’t realized what he’d said. He probably didn’t mean it. Or, if he did, maybe he just meant it the way Dean loved pie. He’d pre pretty fucking happy if pie was around all the time, but he didn’t have any romantic attachments to it.

A few hours later Dean started shaking him again.

“I swear to God, Dean, if you don’t stop…”

“Did you mean it?”

“What?”

“When you said you loved me?”

“I did. I’m thinking about changing my mind now.”

Dean pulled Cas close to his chest and he started to drift off again.

“I love you, too,” Dean whispered..

 

Cas woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. He was still tired, and he tried to curl up in the bed and go back to sleep but then he remembered the last thing Dean had said to him. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. Everything hurt and he groaned, hands flying to his head. Dean was there in a minute, like he had a sixth sense about Cas.

“Cas?” He looked worried. He had a glass of water and some aspirin in his hands. He sat them on the nightstand and bent to examine his boyfriend’s injuries. Cas squinted up at Dean.

“I’m okay.” He grabbed Dean’s shoulder and tried to stand but his legs wabbled.

Dean eased him back down onto the bed. “Why don’t you spend the day in bed and let me baby you?”

“I’m fine, Dean.”

Dean dropped down into a squat and looked Cas in the eye.

“Maybe, but just let me take care of you for today, okay?”

Cas finally got a good look at Dean. He looked exhausted.

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Eh, I dozed off and on. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Cas scooted back onto the bed, back against the headboard.

“I’ll stay in bed on one condition.”

Dean raised his eyebrows at him.

“You take a nap with me later. And I mean really sleep, not just watch me sleep. You can’t take care of me if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“Deal,” Dean smiled. He turned to head back out to the kitchen to finish breakfast.

“Dean?” Cas called after him. Dean stopped and turned around.

“I really do love you.”

Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. Me too, Cas.”

Castiel’s smile faltered. “Yes, well, you might not after I tell you everything.”

“Let’s worry about getting you better first.” And with that Dean disappeared.

He reappeared about twenty minutes later with a tray full of pancakes, bacon, oranges, honey, and coffee. He set it down on the end of the bed as he scooted in next to Cas.

Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.

“Why don’t you let me worry about that,” Dean replied.

They ate their breakfast mostly in silence and Dean took the dishes with the promise not to wash them right away and come straight back to bed. He lay next to Cas who used Dean’s shoulder for a pillow.

“I wish I felt even just a little better. I would thank you properly for taking care of me.”

Dean kissed his forehead. “I’ll just add it to your tab.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s chest and held on tight as he fell back to sleep.

 

The next time he woke up was because Dean was trying to slip out from under him.

“What is it?” Cas mumbled as he let Dean go.

“Someone’s knocking at the door. Probably just Jody checking in on you.”

He shuffled out to the living room in nothing but his pajama pants. He opened the door to find a blonde woman he had never seen before.

“Can I help you?”

“Is this Castiel Milton’s residence?”

“Uh, yeah. But he’s actually not feeling well. I can tell him you stopped by..?”

“Amelia. I’m his wife.”

 

Cas could hear muffled voices but couldn’t work out what they were saying. Then he realized he recognized the other voice, and it didn’t belong to Jody. He sat up too quickly and ignored the pounding in his head as he grabbed his flannel pants and a t-shirt. He walked briskly to the living room.

“Hello Castiel.” Amelia’s voice was as cold as it was when she left. “Still living in sin, I see.”

“Amelia.”

Dean was staring at him. “She said she’s your wife?”

“Yes. Estranged, but yes, she is my wife.”

Dean nodded slowly.

“I should have told you. I meant to, I just kept... forgetting.”

“That’s kind of a big thing to forget, Cas.”

“I know. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m gonna head into the garage and pick up a few hours, let you guys have some time. But we’re talking about this later.”

Cas nodded.

Dean leaned then and kissed Castiel deep and slow. When he was finished he put their foreheads together. “Call me if you need anything.”

Cas nodded again. “I will.”

Dean cupped his face with one hand and brushed it with his thumb. “I mean it,” he whispered. “Anything at all. I still meant what I said last night.”

Cas gave him one more kiss and Amelia cleared her throat.

“Me too,” Cas whispered.

Dean slid by Amelia, who backed away an inch as he passed. “Ma’am,” he nodded. She just watched him as he exited the house. He threw one last wink at Cas and then he was gone.

“Amelia-”

The door opened back up.

“I don’t have a shirt. Or my coat.” Dean looked down and wiggled his toes. “Or shoes.” He dashed toward the bedroom.

Amelia glared after Dean. “I didn’t need to see all that, Castiel.”

“This is my house, Amelia. I’ll do what I please. Would you like some coffee?”

“No, thank you. I won’t be long. I just need you to sign some papers.” She handed him a large envelope. “They’re divorce papers.”

Cas pulled the papers about halfway out of the envelope when a sharp pain pierced between his eyes. He started to double over, putting a hand to his head.

“Hey,” Dean had just come from the bedroom and gripped Cas’ elbow, leading him to the couch. “You okay?” he asked as he sat him down.

“I’m fine, Dean. It’s just a headache.”

“I’ll ask around and see if I can get you something good for it. Until then, all we’ve got is the regular stuff.”

“Would you get me some IBUProfen and a glass of water before you go, please.”

“Of course, babe.” Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head.

Amelia stood at the other end of the room glaring with her arms crossed. Dean came back carrying the bottle of pills and a glass of water.

“Thanks, baby,” Cas said as he took the bottle from Dean.

“I can stay if you need me to,” Dean offered. Castiel glanced at Amelia.

“Was there anything else you needed?” He asked her shortly.

“I’d like for you to sign the papers and give them back so I can be on my way.”

“You could have mailed them instead of coming to visit me in my den of iniquity. As it is, I’m going to want a lawyer to look them over first.”

Dean made to move back into the kitchen, presumably to give them space to talk but Cas grabbed his hand. Dean being there seemed to give him strength.

“It’s just simple divorce papers, Castiel. It’s not like we have any property to split up or anything.”

“No,” Cas sat forward. He knew there was fire in his eyes by the way Dean started stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. “But we do have a daughter. I’d like to see her.”

Amelia laughed. “You think you have any right after five years of not being in her life?”

Cas stood up. “It was not my fault that I didn’t see her. I hired a private detective. No one could find you. I want at least partial custody.”

“You think anyone in this state is going to give a homosexual any kind of custody of a child?” She laughed. “You should have gone further west, Castiel.”

“Get out of my house,” he said cooly. “If I must, I will see you in court.”

“Castiel-”

“I said get out,” he growled.

“Uh, yeah, you better go,” Dean moved to usher her out but she recoiled from his touch. She gathered up her coat and slammed the door behind her.

“Wow. No offense, babe, but your wife is a bitch.”

Castiel dropped back onto the couch and leaned forward, hanging his head in his hands. Dean sat down next to him and rubbed a hand up and down his back.

“Don’t worry, Sammy’ll get this all taken care of for you.”

Cas twisted and leaned into Dean. “I miss her so much,” he said softly.

“Your daughter?”

Cas nodded. “Claire.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick warning that this is the NONCON part of the story.

_Five years ago..._

Amelia and Claire were spending the week at his mother-in-law’s. He loved his family, and he missed their company, but sometimes it was nice to have a break. He went to work every day and spent his nights like he did when he was a bachelor. It made him think of college. He had discovered so many things about himself then. Some things he had still kept secret, even from his wife. But she was gone for a week, and he decided to take the weekend to see if those things still rang true or if they were “just a phase,” as many people insisted.

He was upstairs in their bedroom, watching a gay porn and finding he did, indeed, enjoy it just as much as he did in the past, when he heard her.

“Castiel?”

He looked to the doorway. Amelia stood there, horror on her face. He simultaneously pulled the blanket between his bare legs and turned off the television with the remote.

“Amelia! What are you doing home? I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow?”

“I thought we’d come home early and surprise you,” she said slowly. Then she got angry. “Apparently you didn’t miss us as much as we did you.”

Castiel glanced at the blank TV and then back to Amelia.

“I did miss you, I just…”

“We could hear… _that_ … when we walked in the door. I took Claire next door to Mrs. Hamilton’s.” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t understand. You’re gay?”

“No! I mean, I guess I just don’t really see the point in having a preference. Love can be found anywhere.”

“The _point_ is that it’s a _sin_ , Castiel. It’s _wrong_.”

“It doesn’t feel wrong to me.”

Amelia shook her head. “How long?”

“For as long as I can remember,” Castiel shrugged.

Amelia nodded and turned to walk away.

“Where are you going?”

“I am not going to raise my child with a homosexual. We’re leaving.”

“No!” Castiel stood up, wrapping the blanket around him. “You can’t leave me, Amelia. I love you. You can’t take my little girl.” His voice broke.

“How can you love me when you turn to porn the minute I’m away? My child will not be brought up by a deviant like you.”

Castiel felt anger rising up in him. “If it was a straight porn, would you still be leaving?”

She stared at him silently.

“It wasn’t,” she said. “You’re disgusting, and I hope you find help soon.” She turned and made her way down the stairs.

“You can’t keep her from me for this!” he called after her. “I will fight for her!”

She slammed the front door on her way out.

 

Amelia had her phone shut off. He called her mother every day for two weeks. He talked to their neighbors and tracked down her friends. No one would tell him where she was, but he knew they knew. He filed a missing person’s report with the police. A week later they called him and said they’d found her, she and Claire were alive and safe, but they refused to disclose her location. She had gotten a restraining order against him

He hired a private detective. He waited around for two years. Finally he packed up everything of hers and dropped it off at her mother’s. He took Claire’s old things to the church, since she would have been well grown out of them by that time. He packed up some clothes and a few necessities and drove south. He just couldn’t wait around any longer.

 

Castiel found a small apartment on the outskirts of Miami. He enjoyed the heat and the ocean air. It was perfect for a fresh start. There was a bar a few blocks down that he began to frequent. It was there that he met Crowley. He didn’t trust him from the moment he laid eyes on him, but there was still something intriguing about the man. They ended up chatting every night he was there. He found out that Crowley owned the bar, along with a few others. He was quite wealthy.

One evening, when Castiel had gotten particularly smashed, Crowley invited him back to his place. Castiel accepted. The next morning he woke up sore, not remembering most of what happened the night before, but judging from how he was walking, he had a pretty good idea. He found Crowley on the balcony, smoking a joint. Crowley offered it to him when he walked out to join him. He shrugged and accepted it.

Castiel discovered he loved being high. He loved the feeling the moment it hit him and he could feel all his stresses melt away. He began smoking weed and cigarettes regularly. He felt like they helped him write. Most evenings found him at Crowley’s. Often others were there. There was a woman named Meg who had a particular fondness for him. Occasionally she would join him and Crowley in bed.

One evening Castiel rolled out of Crowley’s bed to find a party going on in the living room. This wasn’t an odd occurrence, but one of the guests, a man known as Alastair, was doing a line of coke off of the glass coffee table. When he was finished he passed the small tube he was using to Crowley, who, in turn, passed it to Meg.

“How ‘bout it, Clarence?” She raised her eyebrows at him and flashed a wicked smile.

Castiel approached the table and just looked at it. His mind panicked, giving him all kinds of horrible consequences, but his friends looked fine. They weren’t dying. Their noses weren’t falling off. And they really seemed to be enjoying themselves.

“Sure,” he said, and held out a shaking hand for the straw. He got down on his knees and took a couple deep breaths, careful not to blow the powder around. He put the straw to his nose and inhaled a line. It burned for a second but then the back of his throat went numb. He kept trying to swallow. It just felt like a big, numb ball where his sinuses met his throat.

“Good job, darling,” Crowley praised. “Now, take up the residue on your finger like this.” Crowley ran his index finger through the dust that remained on the table. “And run it over your gums.”

Castiel did as instructed. The inside of his lips went numb and he felt like he was drooling a little. He also felt like he could go out and do anything. This was so much better than any medication any of his doctors put him on. A song that he liked came on the stereo and he grabbed Meg up from the couch and started dancing her around the room. Crowley rolled a blunt and before they lit it they did another line.

The combination of the two drugs made Castiel feel like a creative genius, but by the time he got home to his computer he forgot every revelation. Starting the next evening he began carrying a little notebook with him to jot down ideas that rarely made sense when he was sober. So he decided to be sober less.

That year ended up being a blur of sex, drugs, and abuse. Crowley was mean when he was coming down from cocaine, and, while he never laid a hand on Castiel, he was very good at being verbally and emotionally damaging. Castiel learned to put up with it, being addicted to the lifestyle. He figured it just came with the territory and was a small price to pay for the bliss that came from the drugs.

One evening Crowley was having a rather large party, celebrating the purchase of another bar or something, Castiel couldn’t really remember. There were a lot of people and a lot more drugs. The entire house was a haze of marijuana smoke and every flat surface had small piles of cocaine. Other drugs were passed around, pills mostly, but Castiel stuck to his favorites.

He was riding a particularly good high when Crowley came over to him and smashed their mouths together. “Why don’t we move this party to the bedroom, love?”

Castiel was very keen on the idea. He didn’t love Crowley, but he did love to have sex while he was high.

He followed Crowley to the bedroom where they quickly disrobed. Crowley bent Castiel over the edge of the bed and began to prep him roughly.

“Aw, Crowley,” said a voice from the doorway. “Who knew you had a heart? I never prep my bitches. Gotta show ‘em who’s boss.”

Castiel turned his head to see Alastair walk into the room. Others trailed in behind him. Crowley took his cue and, lining himself up to Castiel’s unstretched hole, forced himself in.

“No!” Castiel screamed. Crowley grabbed his head and shoved it into the mattress. Castiel began flailing his arms.

“Shh,” Meg’s voice came from near the bed. He felt he climb onto it and grab his wrists. “No use in fighting it, Clarence.”

He managed to turn his head enough to breathe and see the room filled with all the people who had been in the other room. He closed his eyes tight and did his best not to cry out while Crowley pounded him from behind. The crowd cheered Crowley on until it was over and Castiel was left, crumpled on the floor in the dark.

The next morning, while everyone was asleep, Castiel got in his car and left everything he knew behind. Again.

  
*************

 

When Cas finished his story he was shaking, eyes glassy. He hadn’t told anybody about that night, not even Gabriel when he’d asked where he’d been for an entire year.

“Jesus Christ, Cas.” Dean pulled him onto his lap and wrapped his arms tight around him.

“I’m sorry,” Cas whispered.

“What?”

“I’m sorry I never told you. But I figured… I mean, I’m so fucked up, Dean. How could anyone…”

“You think I would love you less because of what other people have done to you? Cas…”

Cas pressed his face further into Dean’s neck.

“I’m married-”

“She left you. You couldn’t find her to get divorced.”

“I should have told you.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, maybe. But there’s nothing you can do about that now. It’s okay. Really. You would have told me when you were ready.”

Cas fisted Dean’s shirt and pulled tighter. He just couldn’t seem to get close enough. He wasn’t so sure that he would have ever told Dean everything. Not for a good, long while, anyway, when it would have been more harmful to their relationship.

Dean pushed Cas back and looked him in the eye.

“I’m gonna go make you some tea and call Sam. See if he can’t get started on getting your little girl back. Then we’re gonna lock the doors and turn off the phones and I’m gonna take care of you.”

Dean got up and went into the kitchen. Cas curled up on the couch and stared at the wall. His mind kept drifting back to different memories. The day Amelia left. The day Claire was born. A random day being blissed out on coke and weed, lying in the sunshine. The tears finally started to fall and he just let them. He hadn’t cried like that since he got through his withdrawals. Dean came back with his tea, still on the phone with Sam, and made his way down the hall. Cas could hear the bathtub filling. He rolled into a sitting position and sipped at his drink. He closed his eyes and focused on controlling his breathing, inhaling the comforting scent of his special tea.

“Hey,” Dean said softly.

Castiel opened his eyes and saw him kneeling in front of him. When Cas looked at him he stood up and held out his hand.

“Come on.”

Cas took his hand and let himself be led into the steamy bathroom. He sat on the toilet while Dean undressed himself and then stood to let Dean undress him. They were quiet throughout the entire ordeal. It didn’t take long since he was still in his pajamas. Castiel finished his tea and set the mug in the sink. Dean led him to the bathtub and waited for him to get situated before slipping in behind him. He took the washcloth and began washing Cas, starting with his back. Once that was soaped up and rinsed he pulled him back against his chest and started to work on Castiel’s front. It was slow and calming, but it didn’t take long. When he was finished he wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed his hair. Cas turned on his side and curled up against Dean, wrapping his arms around one of Dean’s.

“Thank you,” he whispered. Dean squeezed him tight.

Cas started to drift off but Dean woke him up when the water started to cool.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go lay in bed for a little bit.”

Cas got out of the bathtub and handed Dean a towel when he stepped out. Dean let Cas dry himself off and they went to the bedroom. They climbed into bed together and lay facing each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Dean still looked worried when he moved to push Cas’ hair behind his ear. Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean slowly but hungrily. He grabbed Dean’s shoulder with the hand he was laying on and his waist with the other. He started making needy little sounds. He just couldn’t get close enough. Dean pulled back just enough to speak.

“Slow down, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean moved forward to kiss him again, more lazily this time, and Cas let him set the pace. Eventually Dean moved from Cas’ lips to his jaw and then his neck.

“Dean,” Cas whispered.

Dean pulled back to look at Cas like he would give him the world.

“Can I…” Cas started.

“Anything you need, Cas.”

“I want to be inside you.” Cas was afraid that Dean wasn’t ready for this yet. But Dean always has a way of surprising him.

“Okay,” Dean nodded. He pulled the lube out of the drawer and rolled on to his back, pulling Cas on top of him. He popped the cap and poured some into Cas’ hand.

Cas took his time opening Dean up. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the man he loved. When he had two fingers all the way in he crooked them slightly. Dean let out a short cry and squeezed Cas’ arm where he had been holding.

“Fuck,” he whispered.

Cas slid in a third finger and soon Dean was ready. He slicked up his cock and pushed in slowly. Dean tensed up a bit at the feeling.

“Are you okay?” Cas asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I just need a second.” Dean took a deep breath and focused on relaxing. “Okay,” he nodded.

Cas pushed all the way in and waited again while Dean got used to the feeling.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Dean smiled.

Cas rolled his hips back and forth slowly. Dean moaned, running his hands up and down Cas’ sides. He gasped and stared, wide-eyed, at the man under him. This man who somehow loved him despite how damaged he was. Who was patient and kind and understanding. Cas couldn’t understand what he did right to get such an amazing man, and it terrified him. After a moment he dropped down, wrapping his arms around Dean’s shoulders and tucking his head into his neck. Dean could feel wetness there and wasn’t sure if it was sweat or tears until Cas’ breathing hitched.

“It’s okay, Cas. I’ve got you.” He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. “I’ve got you, babe.”

Cas sped up his rhythm slightly. He slid one hand from Dean’s shoulder to his cock. He wasn’t going to forget about Dean. Dean gasped when Cas’ hand made contact and it didn’t take long for him to come.

“Dean!” Cas cried brokenly into his shoulder. He was getting close.

“Come on, baby, I’ve got you,” Dean murmured. “Let go, Cas.”

Cas came with a small cry and lifted his head so he could start kissing Dean again.

After a few moments he pulled out and rolled off of Dean. Dean kissed him a few more times before pulling back to look at him.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered Cas.

Dean nodded. “I’ll be right back.” He got up and grabbed a towel off of the floor so he could wipe himself and Cas down.

“We haven’t eaten since breakfast,” Dean said. “How about I have Sammy pick up a pizza on his way back from Jess’?”

Cas nodded.

“I love you,” he said, looking up at Dean. Every time he said it he waited for Dean to tell him to fuck off. That he didn’t want to deal with his shit anymore.

“I love you, too,” Dean said back with a smile.  
  


 

Castiel woke up wrapped in Dean’s arms to a knock at the bedroom door.

“Guys?” Sam called. “I got the pizza if you’re up…”

“Just a minute, Sam,” Dean tried to call softly. Castiel stirred and stretched.

“Hey gorgeous,” Dean said softly.

Castiel smiled and hummed, blinking lazily at Dean. Then he realized how awake Dean looked.

“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”

Dean smiled and shook his head.

“How long…” Cas sat up and ran his fingers through his hair.

“About an hour. Let’s get dressed, pizza’s here.”

They stood up and began pulling on clothes.

“Dean, I’m sorry. For all of this.”

“Shut up, man. There’s nothing to be sorry about. We’ll get all this stuff with your daughter taken care of and I’ll murder Crowley and things will be fine.”

Cas smiled at Dean but then he saw how serious he looked.

“Dean, you can’t kill Crowley.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Please don’t? I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I’m not making any promises, Cas. If I see him again he’s dead. But I won’t go looking for him.”

They made their way to the dinette where Sam and Jess were digging into a veggie pizza. Sam was going over the divorce papers.

“This looks pretty standard, Cas. So all we have to worry about is custody. I have a friend who practices family law. I might be able to get you an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. Does that work for you?”

“That’s perfect, Sam. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

 

Castiel met with Sam’s friend, Becky Warren, the next day for a consultation. He told her his story and laid out what he wanted. As much as he’d love to take Claire away from Amelia completely, he didn’t think that was fair to Claire. Her mother did care for her and she deserved to have that. But he wanted as much time as he could get without taking her away completely.

“Since you’re the biological father you still have parental rights. Her claims about you not getting justice because you’re gay are unfounded since this isn’t an adoption. I think we could definitely work something out to where you could have Claire during the school year and every other holiday, if that works for you. Amelia would get her during the summers and on the opposite holidays. It would take a lot of work but I think it’s doable. Is that something you’d want?”

“I…” Cas wasn’t sure. That might be too much of a shock for Claire. She would have to move to a place she didn’t know and go to a new school and make new friends all over again. “Would it be possible to do it the other way around?” he asked. “Where I would have her for the summers instead? I don’t want to take her away from all of her friends.”

Becky nodded. “We can do that. That’s actually very sweet of you. I see too often parents using their kids to get back at one another.”

“It’s not Claire’s fault that this is happening. I don’t want her to feel like she’s being punished.”

Becky smiled and gave him some forms to fill out.

  
  
  


Two weeks later they were all meeting at Becky’s office. Castiel brought Dean with him. Amelia came into the room followed not by Claire, but by a tall man with a wicked grin on his face.

“Gordon?” He and Dean said together. They looked at each other.

“How-” they both started,

“Gordon is the private investigator I hired to find Amelia and Claire,” Cas said.

“Gordon is the guy I told you about. You know,” he smiled and looked at Amelia and Gordon. “The first guy I fooled around with.”

Amelia’s eyes went wide with horror while Gordon paled and shook his head.

“It was… I was just experimenting, Amelia. I don’t… I’m not like that!”

She steeled her face and straightened her shoulders. “Get out,” she said calmly.

“Amelia-”

“Get out, Gordon. You’re not needed.”

Gordon glared at Dean and Cas and then backed out of the room, closing the door.

Amelia slumped into her chair.

Then she surprised everyone by saying, “I think I can agree to this, Castiel. It’s much more reasonable than I thought you would go for.”

“I was only thinking of what would be best for Claire,” he said. “I’m sure she’s settled in her school and has friends there. I don’t want to take her away from the people she loves.”

Claire flinched. “Of course.”

“Well!” said Becky. “With that settled, I just need you to sign these where indicated.” She passed them each a small stack of papers detailing the terms of their agreement. “I’ll get this filed and you’ll each be notified on when you have to show up to court.”

They all stood and Cas shook Becky’s hand. “Thank you,” he said, smiling.

On the way out of the office Amelia stopped Cas. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Dean looked at Cas eyebrows raised but Cas nodded at him so Dean left to go warm up the car.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I never should have taken Claire from you.”

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have. It was very hard for me, Amelia, and very selfish of you. But there’s nothing that can be done about it now. I’ve learned not to live in the past.”

 

* * *

  
(Epilogue)

Dean was sliding the turkey into the oven when Ellen spoke up behind him.

“You know, if this family gets any bigger we’ll have to start making two turkeys.”

He laughed. “There’s always plenty of leftovers, Ellen. I think it’ll be a while before you have to worry about that.”

“I don’t know,” Jody piped in. “Everyone seems to be coupling up. You and Cas, Charlie and Gilda, Jo and Benny, Bobby and Ellen. And with Sam and Jess getting married next summer who knows when they’ll start popping out babies.”

“You forgot you and Rufus,” Dean pointed out with a smirk.

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jody defended.

“Please,” Ellen said. “Like you can keep anything a secret in this town.”

“How..?”

“Bobby heard from Ash who heard from Andy, that kid at the coffee shop, that you and Rufus seemed very comfortable together there the last few weeks,” Dean admitted.

“Stupid small town,” Jody grumbled.

Ellen smiled. “That’s why we invited him to dinner, too.”

“Maybe we should have gotten an extra turkey after all,” Dean said thoughtfully.

 

Castiel waited with Charlie, Gilda, and Jo by the front door. Sam and Jess had just arrived and the race for Scarlet was about to begin. Cas was to be the one to tell them when to go.

They finally made their way through the front door and once Jess had her coat hung up they all looked to Cas.

“Ready?”

The girls lined up.

“Set.”

The got into running position.

Then Castiel was taking off toward the living room.

“Go!” he yelled as he leapt over the couch.

“That shit!” Charlie yelled. The girls scrambled after him. Castiel pulled the box off of the mantle before the girls piled on top of him. There was scratching and hair pulling and a lot of yelling until finally Castiel’s fist shot up from the debacle.

“Daddy! You got it!” The blonde girl sitting on Bobby’s lap yelled. The women pulled themselves off of Cas.

“That’s right, kiddo. Here you go.” He handed the little, red, game piece to Claire.

“You know, next year you’ll be twelve,” Jo panted. “Your cheating dad won’t be allowed to race for you.”

“I’m not worried,” Claire smirked.

 

That night at dinner Cas looked around at the two tables they took up and he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face.

“What’s got you so happy?” Dean asked warmly.

Cas slid his hand into Dean’s. “It’s just so perfect,” he whispered. “It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Dean smiled softly, eyes shining, and kissed his boyfriend. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was it. The final chapter. Thank you all for reading! I have thrived off of your kudos and comments. Also, there is a very good chance that I'll be adding to this 'verse because who likes endings? I certainly don't. Thank you again. I can't say it enough.


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